Ways to Go
by emileighhs
Summary: Fresh off the Victory Tour, Peeta announces he's moving to the Capitol to start a bakery by Snow's orders, no longer having to mentor the Games. Katniss is so angry, she doesn't even tell him she's pregnant with his baby. They lose touch quickly. What happens when the rebellion starts three years later than planned and they cross paths again? Alternate Timeline AU. M for language
1. Chapter 1

idk why im so obsessed with babies and pregnancies, but here you go, have another one

* * *

><p>Katniss was late.<p>

Well, her period was the one that was late. Not that it had a specific schedule to begin with, but Katniss was pretty sure she hadn't seen her little friend in over two months. And that wasn't supposed to happen.

As she explained this to Madge Undersee, quietly of course because the mayor was right down the hall in his office, Madge scowled.

"I mean, you _did _just fight twenty-two other kids in an arena, it could be stress. My mom gets stressed out all the time, and she told me she misses periods a lot, too."

Katniss glanced out of Madge's window, looking down at the streets of District 12. The only person she could really talk about these kinds of things to was Madge. Katniss didn't have any other friends other than Gale Hawthorne or her little sister Prim, and she knew neither of them were even an option.

"Plus, didn't yours come late anyways? Because you were malnourished around the time you were supposed to get it, didn't you get your period when you were fifteen?"

"Yeah," Katniss said, pulling her knees up and resting her chin against her arms. "But it's been pretty regular since."

"Your mother's a healer. Why don't you ask her? I'm a girl, but I'm no healer."

Katniss shrugged, the real reason she couldn't go to her mother nagging at her. She couldn't tell her mother. She didn't want to tell anyone, but _someone _had to know what was going on.

Madge didn't say anything else which made Katniss feel a little better. At least she wasn't pressuring her to tell her anything.

"Madge," Katniss said after a few silent moments. Madge had been braiding her hair. As she reached for a pink ribbon to secure it, Katniss whispered, "I think I'm pregnant."

The pink ribbon remained in its spot on the dresser and Madge turned to Katniss with her eyes wide. They really weren't that good of friends, but Madge _had _given Katniss the pin that she used as her district token and she even came to say goodbye to her on Reaping Day. They were slowly growing closer together. There wasn't any forced conversation between them, and if Katniss wanted to brood, Madge gladly let her.

She was probably the only friend Katniss had in the entire district besides Gale. Or maybe Peeta, but they weren't really friends. Katniss wasn't exactly sure what to call someone who fought by her side in the arena. An ally, maybe. But allies didn't really have sex with each other, did they?

"What?"

Katniss didn't want to repeat herself. She knew Madge heard.

"_Pregnant? _Katniss!"

"Shh!" Katniss hissed. "Your father will hear."

"Holy shit," Madge whispered.

"Yeah," Katniss whispered. She thought telling someone would make her feel better, but so far, it wasn't working.

"Do you know for sure? Have you taken a test?"

"A test?" Katniss asked, frowning. She had seen plenty of women come into her house, looking for answers, and the only way she knew that her mother could tell was through an examination and that was the absolute last thing Katniss wanted.

"Yes, a test. You can buy them at the market. Probably not at the Hob."

"I've never heard of tests before."

"You should buy one. You need to make sure. I could go with you if you'd like."

Katniss was taken aback at her calm voice and her suggestion. Katniss couldn't bear to go the market by herself and buy a pregnancy test. She didn't even know what a pregnancy test was, let alone how to find one. Katniss swallowed hard and nodded. "Okay."

"So is it…Gale's?"

Katniss squinted at Madge and she felt her face redden. She had a feeling someone would mention him.

"No," Katniss finally answered. Madge didn't ask about anyone else because she probably knew by then who it was.

Peeta.

None of it was supposed to happen. The sex, the possible baby, any of it. It was a slip up on both of their parts. Peeta was supposed to be hurt about the lies she told in the arena, and Katniss was supposed to avoid him completely. That's how she knew everything was going to play out as soon as he said, "One more time? For the audience?"

But then the nightmares started. Katniss couldn't sleep, couldn't really eat, either. They were haunting her, awake or asleep. The only time she found comfort was in Peeta's arms and he wasn't there.

Until he wanted her, too. Katniss would quietly find herself inside his house and he would pull her into his arms and they would sleep. When she woke up screaming, he could comfort her with gentle words and his arms. Gentle words turned to gentle kisses and gentle kisses turned to gentle touches.

They never talked about the fact that Katniss didn't love him. She cared for him, she couldn't lie about that, but she didn't love him like he loved her. And he seemed okay with that.

Suddenly, Madge's bedroom door opened and her father poked his head in. Katniss always liked Mayor Undersee.

"Hey, Katniss. Are you staying for dinner?" he asked.

Katniss stood up and lifted her game bag onto her shoulder. She stopped by to drop off some strawberries she gathered that morning and ended up staying a lot longer than planned. She didn't really expect she was going to tell Madge she thought she was pregnant. Katniss usually liked to keep her business to herself, but Madge seemed so understanding that Katniss brought her missing period up without even really thinking about it.

"No, thank you. I've got to head home."

"I'll see you tomorrow, Katniss," Madge said as if they planned anything for tomorrow. Katniss only nodded and slipped by Madge's father.

"Goodbye," she said to the both of them before she quietly walked down the stairs and out of the house.

Her next stop was the bakery, which she should have been by hours ago. The squirrels in her bag weren't exactly fresh, but she knew the baker wouldn't mind.

Katniss entered through the front door, knowing Mrs. Mellark was in the kitchen at this time of night and she didn't want to get Peeta's father in trouble. But when she stepped inside, it wasn't Mr. Mellark who was in the front. It was Peeta.

"Hey," he said as she approached. Thinking about him and the conversation she just had with Madge made her feel sick. She swallowed around the lump in her throat and she offered him a small smile.

"Hi," she replied. She lifted her game bag up onto the counter, knowing Peeta wouldn't mind.

"Are those the squirrels my dad's been asking about all day?" Peeta teased, leaning his hands against the counter.

"Yep," Katniss answered. Peeta took them from her and set them behind the counter. Then he straightened and frowned at her.

"Are you okay?"

"What?" Katniss asked, wondering if he somehow knew. No, there was no possible way he knew. Even _she _wasn't sure if she was really pregnant or not.

"You look…sick. Or upset."

"No," Katniss said quickly. "No, I'm fine." She grabbed her bag off of the counter and tried to smile to convince him.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I have to go. I'll see you later," Katniss said. She left before he could ask any more questions because she wasn't quite sure she could lie to him.

That night when Katniss woke up from a nightmare, she rolled over and curled into a ball. Her body was telling her to go to Peeta and crawl into his arms. She wanted to lay her head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat to confirm he was still alive, but she couldn't bring herself to walk three houses down.

She didn't fall back asleep, but when she found her way downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast, she saw her mother and Peeta were already there. The smell of the fresh bread made Katniss's stomach growl, but the smell of whatever her mother was preparing caused her stomach roll. She held her breath as she crossed the kitchen to grab a piece of bread.

"Good morning," Peeta said. He was slicing the bread carefully and as Katniss got closer he held out a piece for her. She took it and bit into it. She chewed slowly, one arm wrapped around her stomach.

Someone knocked on the door and Katniss's mother was the first to reach it.

"Oh, good morning Ms. Everdeen."

Katniss recognized Madge's voice immediately and she set the bread back down on the table. Peeta gave her a curious look as she passed by him, but she ignored it.

"Hey, Katniss," Madge said as Katniss stepped in front of her mother. She didn't really think Madge was going to take her to get a test or whatever those things were.

"Hi," Katniss said slowly. She was feeling sick again, just like the day before in the bakery.

"Are you ready to go?"

Katniss blinked at her as her mother stepped away from the door and moved back into the kitchen to finish breakfast. Madge leaned forward and lowered her voice.

"If you want one, right now is the best time to get it because the market isn't busy this time of day."

Katniss swallowed and took a second to think. She'd rather be sure than be terrified to death until she started showing or maybe never showing at all.

"Fine," Katniss whispered.

"Hi, Madge."

Katniss jumped at the sound of Peeta's voice and she felt her face redden terribly.

"I'll be down in a second. I'll go change."

She ducked underneath Peeta's arm and went to her room to change out of her pajamas. By the time she made it back down, Peeta was gone and she was relieved.

"Where are you going?" Katniss's mother asked.

"We're just going to the go on a walk around the district," Madge lied smoothly.

Prim choose that moment to sleepily step down the stairs.

"'Bye," Katniss said. She stepped outside and shut the door behind her.

"How are you doing?" Madge asked. Her blue eyes were kind and Katniss suddenly felt a huge sense of relief. She felt right to tell Madge, even if they weren't that great of friends. She was kind and understanding. Much like Peeta, but Katniss pushed that realization away.

"Okay," Katniss said, shrugging. She squinted into the sun for an excuse not to talk as they walked down the dirt road.

When they reached the market, a place Katniss rarely ever visited because the Hob was more comforting to her, Madge put her hand on Katniss's arm and told her to wait outside.

"Why?" Katniss asked.

"Because I'm sure the Mayor's daughter buying a pregnancy test would be far less entertaining than the Girl on Fire buying one."

Katniss nodded. She didn't even think about gossip spreading. What if it found its way to Peeta or even Gale? She wouldn't be surprised if it did, so she willingly waited outside.

Madge emerged five minutes later with something inside a paper bag.

"You can take it at my house."

* * *

><p>Katniss stared at the little stick, frowning.<p>

"Madge," she called, opening the bathroom door.

"Yeah?"

"What am I supposed to do?"

She couldn't quite wrap her head around the white stick that determined pregnancy. She felt insanely stupid.

"You just…pee on this end," Madge said, flipping the stick around so the skinnier side was up. "And a little cross means yes and a minus means no."

"These are really weird," Katniss said.

"You should see the ones in the Capitol. These aren't nearly as advanced as those."

Katniss shut herself in the bathroom again and her hands shook as she held the stick. Her breathing was shallow and she realized she could actually be _pregnant_. There could be a baby inside of her. Peeta's baby.

The realness of everything suddenly hit her hard. Her baby would be reaped the moment they turned twelve. Capitol citizens would be climbing over each other just to get a glimpse at Katniss and Peeta's baby in the arena. They would have to fight for their lives just like their parents had to do. There would be no escaping it. Snow would love it even more than the Capitol citizens. He would be so happy that he could take back one thing Katniss did in the arena that wasn't even supposed to spark a rebellion. He would crush whatever tiny bit of a rebellion there was underneath his pristine boot by sending Katniss's child into the Games. Katniss couldn't deal with that. She would kill herself before she ever let that happen.

Just a few months ago, she'd been telling Gale she never wanted to have kids and here she was, probably pregnant.

But she was working herself up over a possibility. Maybe she wasn't pregnant. Maybe Madge had been right when she pointed out that it took Katniss long enough to get her period that it wasn't such a big deal if it disappeared for a bit.

Katniss shook her head and took the test. She needed to know before she started throwing out all of those possibilities.

_I can't be pregnant, _she told herself. _I'm probably scared over nothing. _

She waited for the allotted time and lifted the stick so she could see.

Staring back at her was a little cross.

* * *

><p>The Victory Tour approached a lot faster than Katniss had anticipated. Before she knew it, her prep team was making comments on how she let her leg hair grow back and how her eyebrows were just tragic. Octavia even mentioned the weight Katniss gained, telling her she looked a lot healthier than she did when they first saw her.<p>

She wanted to snap that it was because she was nearly starving when they met her and now she was nearly four months pregnant. But she didn't, mostly because no one but Madge knew she was pregnant. She couldn't bring herself to tell anyone, not even the baby's father. Not even her own mother.

By the time Katniss stepped out of her house, the cameras had arrived and so had Peeta. She had to pretend like she wasn't trying to avoid him anymore, and as she tipped her head up for a kiss, she felt sick. After she found out, she practically cut off all communication with Peeta. She couldn't stand looking at him, or being kissed by him and knowing she was carrying his baby inside of her. Their relationship became that of what Katniss expected in the first place. Peeta acted nice, but distant, and Katniss wasn't anything more. She was losing him, but she didn't know how to grab him and keep him with her.

The first night on the train, Katniss woke up from a nightmare, her night clothes clinging to her from sweat. She took a shower, not caring how early in the morning it was, and she left her room before the sun even rose. Peeta was in the main room, sitting on the couch with an untouched mug placed on the table in front of him. Katniss immediately turned to leave, but his voice stopped her.

"Katniss, wait. I want to talk to you."

It took everything in her to not bolt straight out of the room. She didn't want to talk to him. She didn't want to talk to anybody. The forced dinner talk was all she could handle at the moment. But she owed him that much. Actually, she owed him much, much more, so she turned and took the seat next to him anyways.

He ran a hand through his messy, sleepy hair and sighed. "Look, Katniss, I've been wanting to talk to you about the way I acted on the train. I mean, the last train. The one that brought us home. I knew you had something with Gale. I was jealous of him before I even officially met you. It wasn't fair to hold you to anything that happened in the Games. I'm sorry."

Katniss blinked at him in surprise. He was apologizing to her? For something they had ignored since they stepped off that train?

"I'm sorry, too," she answered quickly, though she wasn't quite sure what for. For pretending to love him? For completely shutting him out after they started a sexual relationship? For not telling him about the baby inside of her? She didn't know.

"There's nothing for you to be sorry about," he said, and she wanted to laugh. "You were keeping us alive. But I don't want to go on like this, ignoring each other sometimes and having sex other times. So I thought if I stopped being so, you know, wounded, we could take a shot at just beings friends."

Katniss felt herself flushing at the mention of sex, but the word didn't even seem to bother Peeta one bit.

_I'm having your baby_, she wanted to say, but instead she just smiled and nodded. "Okay."

* * *

><p>Katniss decided to tell Haymitch a week after they arrived back to District 12. She didn't know why the thought came over her, or why she would tell him instead of her mother or Peeta, but it comforted her. Haymitch was smart, even if he was drunk and rude most of the time. He still had knowledge and he was more like her than she initially thought.<p>

Katniss walked into Haymitch's house, choosing to ignore the smell. Haymitch was passed out at his kitchen table, a bottle in one hand and his knife in another. Maybe she came at a bad time, but she wanted to tell him before she lost every ounce of courage she had left.

"Haymitch," Katniss said, shaking his shoulder. He didn't move. "Get up!" she snapped. When he didn't move, she grabbed a pot from the stove, filled it up with water and poured it straight on him. Before he could even gasp, she had the window open and her leg sitting out in case he decided to take his anger out on her.

Haymitch woke up sputtering and slashing his knife. Katniss was smart to plan her escape.

"Hey!" she called, getting his attention. He stopped slashing and glared at her, reminding her of an angry Buttercup after his monthly bath.

"What the hell was that for?"

"I need to talk to you," Katniss said. Haymitch grumbled something she couldn't hear before he took his shirt off to reveal an equally dirty undershirt. He wiped himself down with the dry part and dropped heavily into his seat.

"What?" he snapped angrily.

Katniss opened her mouth, but before she could get anything out, his front door opened.

"Oh," Peeta said as he stepped inside. Katniss and Peeta hadn't really spoken since they got back, even if they agreed to be friends. "You're both here. Good. I need to talk to the both of you."

Katniss suddenly felt like she was going to throw up. _He knows_, she thought. But when Peeta opened his mouth, Katniss definitely wouldn't have ever imagined the words that came out of it.

"I'm moving to the Capitol."

"_What?_" Katniss and Haymitch asked in unison.

"You're moving to the Capitol?" Katniss asked, her voice coming out weak and panicked. She bit her lip hard to stop the panic bubbling up in her chest.

"Yes, but let me explain before you both freak out. I've been offered a job, and I honestly wouldn't have accepted it if the request didn't come from President Snow himself. There's a new bakery opening and he wants me to run it."

There was something he wasn't telling them, but all three of them knew the house was completely bugged.

"Peeta, you can't-" Katniss started, but he cut her off.

"I already did. There's nothing really left for me here," he said.

_Tell him, _Katniss thought. _Tell him now and he'll stay._ But she couldn't bring the words to her lips. She couldn't tell him.

"When I move there, I will no longer have to mentor the Games."

"You didn't even start," Katniss snapped, suddenly upset. He was supposed to be there with her when they had to mentor those kids. And he was leaving her for some stupid bakery in the Capitol.

"There's even a studio above the bakery so if I want to paint I can. And I can live up there, too."

"When are you leaving?" Haymitch asked.

"Tomorrow."

Katniss could barely contain her anger and annoyance. So he was leaving her in 12 by herself, and she had to mentor with Haymitch by herself.

"That's _bullshit_," Katniss spat angrily. Before Peeta or even Haymitch could say anything, she dropped out of the window and stomped across the lawn to her house.

Prim greeted her as she entered, but she brushed it off and climbed the stairs to her room. She ignored any attempts of contact, and in the morning, when Peeta's train left, she only buried herself further into her covers.


	2. Chapter 2

Katniss pulled back the string on her bow and aimed it straight at the doe's eye. She paused, holding her breath as the doe nuzzled against the wet grass. Suddenly, there was a noise in the bushes. Katniss narrowed her eyes and frowned, knowing the doe was seconds from taking off. But instead of scampering off, the doe turned her head toward the sound and stared. A baby deer emerged from the bushes and Katniss lowered her bow almost immediately. She couldn't kill the doe now, and she knew Gale would be mad, but she really didn't care.

She took a deep, quiet breath and rested her back against the tree. She watched them silently until they moved along. After a few minutes, she carefully climbed down the tree and headed back towards Gale who was checking his snares.

"Found anything?" she asked, coming up behind him. He jumped a little at her voice and turned around, grinning. His smile fell when he realized she was empty handed.

"Where's the doe?" he asked, frowning.

Katniss shrugged and adjusted the strap of her sheath.

"What does that mean?"

"She had a fawn. I didn't want to kill her."

"And when has that ever stopped you?"

Katniss scowled up at Gale, not in the mood to be fought with. "If it's that big of a deal, just go kill her yourself," she snapped.

Gale stared at her for a moment before he realized she was genuinely upset. He sighed and took a step forward. "Sorry, Katniss."

She shrugged and turned away.

"Are you okay? You've been acting kind of…weird."

"Well, I did just win the Hunger Games," she answered bitterly.

Gale ignored her tone. "No, I mean since the Victory Tour or whatever it's called. You've just been angry all the time. You weren't like this when you came back from the Games."

Katniss only answered with a shrug, knowing she definitely didn't want to tell Gale she was pregnant. Madge was still the only person who knew. Katniss couldn't find her voice to tell anyone else. She didn't know what she was going to do. She was going to start showing soon since she was just a little over four months. She couldn't keep it a secret then, and people were already suspecting something was up with her. Most people just put it off as her being "changed" in the arena, but some weren't. Prim was just on the brink of finding out because she knew Katniss better than anyone else.

"Is there something going on with Peeta? Is that why you're acting like this, because he's gone?"

Katniss rolled her eyes. She could feel a headache starting, and all she wanted to do was to crawl back into her bed and remain there for the next five months. Neither of them ever cut their Sundays short since it was the only time Katniss and Gale had to hunt, but Katniss couldn't stand even a few more hours with Gale asking her stupid questions.

Ignoring what he said, Katniss closed her eyes for a brief second. "I'm going to go home. I'm feeling sick."

"Katniss…" Gale trailed off, as if he was annoyed that she wanted to go home. Whatever, he could be annoyed all he wanted. She wasn't in the mood for him to angry or short with her.

"I'll see you later," she said. Gale didn't say anything else, and Katniss made her way back toward the fence, relieved he didn't try to make her stay.

Katniss paused in the space between her house and Haymitch's. She glanced at her windows, the lights on, smoke rising out of the chimney, and then her eyes moved to Haymitch's house, the windows dark, not a lit fire in sight. She had never gotten the chance to tell Haymitch about the baby since she stormed out of his house. That was two weeks ago.

She moved toward Haymitch's house. Katniss opened the door without knocking, something her and Peeta both did. Well, when Peeta had lived just next door. His dark and gloomy house had felt so wrong that Katniss never even looked at it.

"Yeah, well, that's good to hear."

Katniss frowned as she closed Haymitch's door and stepped inside his house. He was talking to someone, but Haymitch never had visitors.

"Right. I'll talk to you later."

As Katniss stepped into the kitchen, she saw Haymitch placing his phone back into its cradle. So he was talking to someone on the phone.

"Who was that?" Katniss asked, walking further into the kitchen. Haymitch paused as if he didn't want her to know. She raised an eyebrow, suspicious. A new girlfriend or something?

"Peeta."

Katniss frowned at the sudden burst of jealously. Peeta hadn't even tried to contact her since he left. Not that she would really talk to him anyways, but a phone call would have been nice.

"Oh," Katniss said. She pressed her lips together. "How is he?"

"Good," Haymitch answered. "He said the bakery is much nicer than the one here. But he misses his family."

_Not me_, she thought. _He doesn't miss me._

"That's nice," she said, trying to make her voice sound bored. Haymitch gave her a look that she completely ignored. She suddenly didn't feel like talking to him anymore.

"Okay, well, see you later."

"Did you need something?" he asked.

"No, I just wanted to stop by and make sure you hadn't drowned in your alcohol yet."

"Yet," was all Haymitch said.

She turned to leave, but stopped. The Quarter Quell was just a few months away, that thought never left her mind. She turned back around.

"So it's really just us mentoring?" she asked.

"Yeah. Just us."

"None of them are going to make it out without him."

"None," Haymitch repeated, and she left.

* * *

><p>Three weeks later, everyone knew. Katniss couldn't hide her growing belly underneath baggy shirts anymore. Gale wouldn't look her in the eyes anymore, and her mother kept scowling. No one brought up Peeta.<p>

She ended up doing something she hadn't done in a long, long time that night. She cried. She felt stupid and weak for crying but she felt so trapped. She didn't want a baby, but she didn't exactly want to get rid of it. No one in District 12 could even perform something like that. Maybe there were herbs or something, but Katniss didn't know and she didn't want to. The only option was to raise it. She thought about Peeta and how she knew he wanted kids, but he was gone now. There was no way Katniss could visit him in the Capitol, even if she was having his baby. Visits between districts were completely forbidden, even for Victors. Peeta being moved to the Capitol was unbelievable in itself without even mentioning that it was a personal request from President Snow. Katniss hoped Snow had just moved Peeta out there to keep a closer eye on him, not to hurt him.

She knew then that he was within reach of Snow's fingers and she couldn't possibly tell him she was pregnant now. She didn't know exactly how that information could be used to hurt him, but she did know that Snow would find a way if given the chance.

Katniss's door creaked open and she pressed her covers against her face. She didn't want to talk to anyone. Someone pulled back the edge of the covers and slid into the bed. Immediately, Katniss could tell it was Prim.

"Hey," Prim said quietly. She found Katniss underneath the big, fluffy duvet, and scooted closer to her, wrapping one arm around her waist like when they shared a bed. That seemed like a long, long time ago.

Katniss barely got out of bed anymore. Her belly was too big to slide underneath the hole in the fence anymore, so she could no longer go hunting. She wasn't even sure she would want to go hunting because of the little looks Gale kept giving her.

"Does Peeta know?" Prim asked. She was the only one who didn't assume it was Gale's. Katniss didn't know _why _everyone kept asking her if Gale was the father. They had no romantic relationship at all, though Katniss was sure Gale wouldn't mind that.

"No," Katniss answered. "I don't want him to."

"Why? Don't you think you'd want him to know? You'll have to go to the Capitol for mentoring and you can't keep it a secret then. I think he'd rather hear it from you than from some silly magazine headline."

"The baby should come before then," Katniss explained. "I'll have to leave it here while I mentor, but I'm sure you'll do a good job of watching him or her, little duck."

Katniss reached out and tickled her sister. Prim giggled but she didn't move away.

"Are you scared?" Prim whispered.

"Yeah," Katniss breathed. She pressed her lips together to keep from crying again. Prim had never seen her cry, not when their father died, not when Prim was reaped, or Katniss took her place. Katniss had to be strong for her because no one else would.

Prim moved closer to Katniss and wrapped both arms around her. It felt strange to have her baby sister comfort her when Katniss was so used to the opposite. She accepted the comfort, pulling her sister closer to her and kissing her forehead.

"You'll do great, Katniss. I know you will."

* * *

><p>Katniss squinted a little as she looked at the iced cookies in the bakery display. The handiwork wasn't Peeta's, she could tell right off. It was probably Mr. Mellark's work because it was just as beautiful as Peeta's. He had told her once that his brothers couldn't ice anything to save either of their lives. And Katniss knew his mother couldn't create something that beautiful.<p>

When Peeta had lived just three doors down, the amount of cookies and bread that filled Katniss's house was ridiculous. But he was gone, and there was rarely ever bread on the table anymore. Prim loved the cookies Peeta had brought over and Katniss was sure he only brought them for her. The same cookies were sitting in the display and Katniss knew Prim would love them.

She pushed open the door to the bakery, telling herself not to think too much about it. Mr. Mellark wasn't at the counter, like she was expecting. It was Peeta's older brother, the second youngest.

"Hey, Katniss," he said, keeping his eyes level with hers. She was no longer wearing clothes three sizes too big, so her belly was much more visible. He didn't look remotely surprised, which meant someone had already told him. Which meant they all knew, and one of them had probably told Peeta already.

"Hi," Katniss said, using her hand to brush her hair away from her face.

"Need anything?" His voice didn't seem bitter or annoyed and Katniss felt a little relieved.

"Yeah, I just wanted a couple of those cookies. The flower ones," she said, pointing to the display.

"Any specific ones?" he asked as he came from behind the counter.

"The rose and the daisy," Katniss answered, her eyes following him. His hair was just like Peeta's, blonde and curly. They had the same build from lifting all those flour bags, and from behind he could almost pass at his little brother. But Katniss could tell small differences. He didn't have the slight limp Peeta had from losing his leg and he slouched a little, unlike Peeta whose shoulders were always high and straight.

"Here you go," Peeta's brother said as he handed her the little white bag.

"Thank you."

"Yeah, no problem."

Katniss handed him the money and left the store feeling a little better. She wanted to surprise Prim with the cookies since neither of them had seen even a crumb from one in over a month.

When she stepped inside her house, she knew someone other than her family was there.

"Hello?" Katniss called, shrugging off her father's hunting jacket. It was hot outside, but Katniss didn't like to leave the house without it.

Prim skipped down the stairs and threw her arms around Katniss.

"Hi," Prim said, grinning up at her. Katniss tugged on both of her little sisters' braids and smiled.

"Hey, I got you something."

She turned away to produce the bag from her pocket, and when she turned back around, she saw Gale at the top of the stairs. She stared at him, frowning. They really didn't talk a lot since Gale was either in the mines or hunting, both being things she couldn't do.

"Wait, there's something for you, too," Prim said. She grabbed Katniss's wrist just as Gale's mother, Hazelle, appeared behind Gale. Now, Katniss was even more confused. She followed Prim up the stairs and past Gale and Hazelle into her own room.

Her dresser was pushed further into her room, and in its place sat a baby crib. The wood was dark and worn, but it was still beautiful. Katniss had sold the crib she and Prim used as babies when she was thirteen to get a little extra money so she could buy Prim a birthday present.

"Posy's grown out of it, and I have no more use for it. I thought you would like it," Hazelle said, smiling. "Gale helped me bring it up."

"Oh," Katniss breathed. She turned and hugged Hazelle hard. "Thank you so much," she said.

And she hugged Gale as well, even though things between them had turned awkward. He was upset she was pregnant but she couldn't do anything about it. He would have to grow up and stop acting so personally offended if there was a chance for them to continue being friends.

"Oh, here," Katniss said when she pulled away from Gale. "I got you those flower cookies you love," she said to Prim. Prim's whole face lit up as she carefully opened up the bag. They weren't Peeta's but as Prim lifted the rose cookie and bit into it, Katniss felt a deep longing inside of her for them to be his.

* * *

><p>Katniss gave birth on a hot, sultry day two months before the Reaping. It was the most painful thing she had ever experienced in her entire life. Forget the burns she received from those fireballs, or the tracker jacker stings. Giving birth was a thousand times more painful than that.<p>

When it was over, and Katniss's baby was bundled in a blanket and safely in her arms, she knew it was worth it. All of it.

"It's a girl," her mother had said when she handed Katniss the bundle. Katniss smiled, for once pushing away the fear of being a mother at sixteen, and felt her heart swell. A baby girl. Her baby girl.

"Any names?" Prim asked, stepping closer.

Katniss shrugged helplessly. "I don't know yet," she whispered. Her body was aching and begging for sleep, but she didn't want to let go of her baby.

"I'll think of something," Katniss murmured, running a finger across her baby's cheek. Her hair was dark like Katniss's and there was a lot of it. Her face was round, but Katniss couldn't pick out any features, her or Peeta's. She almost wanted to cry, but she held herself together. Her baby was with her, and she was safe. Katniss couldn't have asked for anything more.

She turned seventeen one week later.

* * *

><p>On the day of the Reaping, Katniss got one measly hour of sleep, and she nearly fell asleep during Mayor Undersee's speech. Haymitch nudged her hard and she blinked a couple of times, trying to force herself awake. She found Madge in the crowd, sectioned off with the other seventeen year olds. She offered her a smile, remembering how she visited the day after Sorrel was born and held the baby. Madge smiled back, a little uneasy.<p>

It was the Quarter Quell, which meant a change of rules just for the special occasion. This Quarter Quell, all weapons and supplies were removed from the arena. Only the mentors could send in food, if they chose. Katniss expected it to be worse, like maybe the Victors go back in, or only parents' names are put in and they must choose one of their children to go in, no matter the age. Katniss and Haymitch could handle no food or weapons.

A fifteen year old girl named Yaz was called. Her dark hair and bony structure told she's from the Seam. She held her chin up high as she climbed up to the stage, reminding Katniss a little of herself. The boy picked was also from the Seam with the name Gan. He was eighteen. Just one more year and he would have made it.

Katniss and Haymitch are ushered off the stage as soon as the anthem ends. Just like the tributes, they get one hour to say goodbye to their family, only they will be on the train coming back.

Katniss and Haymitch parted ways at their houses, Haymitch to get even more roaring drunk, and Katniss to say goodbye to her family for a little while. She sat on the couch and waited a good five minutes for her mother and sister to arrive. When they came home, Prim was holding Sorrel in her arms. She was fussing, her face turning a little red as she fought against Prim's hold.

"I think she wants you," Prim said, handing the baby over. Sorrel shoved three fingers into her mouth and frowned up at Katniss. Katniss cradled her against her chest and pressed her lips against Sorrel's dark hair.

She waited the rest of the hour out holding Sorrel and making sure her mother and Prim knew exactly what to do while she was gone. She knew both of them had been helping her take care of Sorrel since she was born, but Katniss had never gone away before. She didn't know how she felt about the whole thing, but she had no choice. She would be arrested if she didn't go, and she had no idea what would happen to her baby if she brought her along to the Capitol.

"Okay," Katniss sighed as she saw the end of her hour approaching. She handed Sorrel to Prim and kissed both of their foreheads. She hugged her mother before she opened her front door.

"See you when this is all over."

* * *

><p>Yaz died on the first night.<p>

The arena was all colorful mountains, no flat land in sight. The rocks were loose and there was water streaming down each mountain, but some were poisonous and some weren't.

There was still a first bloodbath, even with no weapons. Kids used rocks or their bare hands to kill each other. Gan had listened to Katniss's and Haymitch's advice and ran straight for cover. Yaz tried to cut across the entire circle of tributes and was bludgeoned to death with a heavy rock by the massive tribute from District 2.

Katniss yawned and pulled her knees against her chest. Night had fallen and the tributes were slowly falling asleep one by one. Alliances had been made, but Gan hadn't been a part of any.

Being on Sorrel's schedule, which meant waking up every three hours, Katniss couldn't sleep peacefully. Instead, she found herself sitting next to Haymitch, watching the televisions on their floor designed specifically to show their tributes on one screen, and whatever the Capitol was showing on the other.

"I'm sending him a sword tomorrow," Haymitch said. Katniss mostly stayed out of the decisions because she knew she wouldn't make good ones. She was useless. They needed Peeta, but he was off somewhere selling cookies to Capitol citizens. She didn't want to think about him, just a few minutes away.

"Good," Katniss replied. "I hope he's not stupid enough to try and drink from the mountains," she said. "We should send him something to purify the water."

"It won't do anything. Gloss from One already tried that and his girl still died from poison. It doesn't do anything."

Katniss nodded. "So he's just going to have to figure out what's good and what's not?"

"That's all anyone can do, really."

"The citizens are going to get bored quickly," Katniss commented. That only met the Gamemakers had a few terrible tricks up their sleeves.

"Yeah," Haymitch said. They sat a few minutes in silence, Haymitch probably strategizing, Katniss thinking of the way Sorrel smelled.

"I'm seeing him tomorrow," Haymitch stated. Katniss didn't have to ask who he was. Peeta. Haymitch was going to visit Peeta in his little bakery wonderland.

"Don't tell him," Katniss ordered suddenly. "Don't tell him about her."

"I wasn't planning on it. You've kept it from him this long, I figured you had a reason."

"I do," she replied faintly.

"I hope you do."

* * *

><p>Haymitch said Peeta asked about her. He wanted to know how she was doing. The thought of that made Katniss want to crawl under her covers and remain there until her heart stopped aching.<p>

Just as he was telling her this, there was a scream on the television. Katniss snapped her head toward it and watched as Gan was beheaded with a large sword.

"No," Katniss said. It was only the second day in and _both _of their tributes had already died. Her heart lurched painfully. She had seen that Gan had three baby sisters at home. And he wasn't going to return.

Katniss returned home the day after Gan died. They didn't need the mentors once both tributes have died.

In the end, the boy from District 4 reigned victorious. He had been a part of the Career's pack, but he seemed the least bloodthirsty out of all of them.

That night, Katniss was awoken from a nightmare in which Yaz, Gan, and their families got the chance to attack Katniss in the arena. Sorrel was hungry and crying. As Katniss lifted her baby out of her crib, she reminded herself she would have to witness deaths just like Gan's and Yaz's for the rest of her life.

* * *

><p>:)<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

_just a warning, there is the F word in this chapter :)_

* * *

><p>On Katniss's nineteenth birthday she received a call from Haymitch. She set Sorrel down to let her wander around before she grabbed the receiver.<p>

"Hello?"

"Katniss, it's Haymitch."

"Oh, Haymitch. Calling to wish me a happy birthday?" she asked, her voice dry. Haymitch hadn't wished her a happy birthday on her seventeenth or eighteenth. But then again, neither did Peeta. She hadn't spoken to him since the day he left, a little over three years. Friends were supposed to call each other when they moved far away. At least, that's what Katniss thought. She knew Peeta had been calling Haymitch at least once a week since he moved, but he couldn't make a simple phone call to her?

"Right. Happy Birthday," he said, bored.

She rolled her eyes. "Real sincere, Haymitch."

Sorrel moved away from the bed and lifted her arms to Katniss. Cradling the phone between her shoulder and her ear, Katniss bent down and lifted her daughter into her arms.

"Okay, well, that's not the reason I called you."

"And that would be?"

"There was a change of rules for this year. For you, at least."

Katniss frowned, pulling the phone away from Sorrel's reaching little hands.

"What?" she asked. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Guess who gets to come to the Capitol?"

Katniss wasn't sure what he was talking about until she literally looked underneath her nose.

"Sorrel? Why?"

The other end was silent and Katniss expected he wasn't going to answer.

"That makes no sense," she continued.

"If you want to keep asking questions, by all means, please call up Plutarch Heavensbee and ask him."

Katniss remembered dancing with him in Snow's mansion when she would rather be anywhere else in the entirety of Panem.

"Whatever," she finally said, confused over the change of rules. It was never allowed for Victors to bring their children to the Capitol and it made no sense to her that they would change it specifically for her.

"Bye," Haymitch said.

"Bye."

"Oh, and Katniss. Happy Birthday."

* * *

><p>"This is ridiculous," Katniss said, hands on her hips. Her prep team stood in front of her to prepare her for the Reaping, just like any other year, but this year, they had a guest.<p>

"I don't need a _babysitter,_" she continued. Cinna gave her an apologetic look.

"Katniss, for your daughter to be able to go, you have to let the nanny stay. Otherwise, Sorrel will have to stay here," Cinna explained gently.

Where had Haymitch ever told her there was a nanny? She could take care of her own baby. She'd been doing perfectly fine for two years, and she didn't need anyone's help.

"I don't _need-_"

Katniss was interrupted by Haymitch, who had just pushed open her front door. Apparently, someone from her prep team had warned him of her noncompliance.

"Katniss," he said through clenched, his voice hard with annoyance and authority. "Just take the damn nanny."

Katniss threw her hands in the air in exasperation. "Fine! Whatever."

She eyed the nanny carefully. She didn't look like she was from the Capitol, much like Cinna. Her hair was dark auburn and straight, cut just below her chin. The only thing that hinted she was from the Capitol was a flower tattoo that crept up her neck in deep contrast with her hard face. She looked a little older than Katniss, but not much.

After she was all fixed up, Katniss lifted Sorrel into her arms and kissed her forehead.

"Mommy will be gone for a little while, but I'll see you in a bit, okay?"

"Okay," Sorrel replied. Katniss ticked her belly just like she used to do to Prim. Sorrel giggled, trying to squirm away. Katniss brushed her dark curly hair away from her face, noticing how her smile looked just like Peeta's. She kissed her forehead once more before handing her over to the nanny, feeling sour about the whole thing.

"This whole thing is stupid," Katniss grumbled as her and Haymitch began their walk toward the Justice Building. After the reaping, both of them would be escorted to train where Sorrel and the nanny would be waiting. Katniss already said her goodbyes to her mother and her sister. She didn't want to waste any time getting onto that train.

"Why didn't you tell me I'd need a _nanny _if I wanted to bring her?" Katniss snapped.

Haymitch stood completely still, causing Katniss to stumble in surprise.

"Could you just listen for one minute without complaining or questioning everything? When I tell you to do something, you need to just do it, no questions asked."

Katniss narrowed her eyes at him, her suspicions suddenly raised. She took a step closer and lowered her voice. "What's going on? Is there something I need to know about? Is something going to happen?"

Haymitch didn't even budge. "No questions asked. Now move your ass, we're already late."

* * *

><p>When the train stopped for fuel, Katniss helped Sorrel down the stairs and they went on a walk by the train tracks. Sorrel stopped a few times to pick some dandelions. Katniss took a seat on the ground a few feet away from where the train ended. Sorrel climbed into her lap and offered her the somewhat already wilted dandelions.<p>

"Here, Mommy," she said.

"Oh, thank you. They're beautiful."

They sat in silence for a moment until Sorrel lost interest in the quiet and wriggled out of Katniss's lap. She wandered around the grass, picking up bugs or weeds and asking Katniss what they were.

"Ladybug!" she exclaimed excitedly. Her hands were cupped together, gently so that she didn't squash it. Katniss had taught her to hold things gently. Sometimes, it didn't work so well, but she was getting better at it.

"Let me see," Katniss said. Sorrel slowly made her way over to her mother.

"Gently," she said to Katniss. She opened up her tiny hands and let the bug drop onto Katniss's thigh. Katniss nudged it with her finger and it took off.

Sorrel picked more dandelions and Katniss made a necklace out of them. She placed over Sorrel's head and stood up, taking her hand again.

"Let's go back," she said.

She thought about the tributes on the train, a merchant girl and a merchant boy, one thirteen and the other seventeen. Prim knew the boy. He had been over at their house once to help her study for a test. His name was Baron and his mother ran the little book shop across the street from the Mellark Bakery. Peeta probably knew him.

Katniss didn't know much about the girl, Rupalia other than the fact that she was way too young to be in the arena. She was only a year older than Prim when her name was called. Katniss wanted to get at least one of them out.

* * *

><p>In the Capitol, Katniss kept Sorrel near her as much as she possibly could. Mostly, the nanny, whose name Katniss found out was Persei, just stayed in her room. She seemed annoyed to be there.<p>

Both Rupalia and Baron made it through the first night. Katniss and Haymitch watched as Rupalia fell asleep and Baron kept watch. Katniss hadn't expected an alliance out of them, but Baron insisted, telling his mentors he had a feeling he needed to protect Rupalia.

They made it through the second and the third night as well.

"I'm going to go with you and get them some more sponsors tomorrow," Katniss said as Sorrel wiggled free from her hold and crawled across the couch to mess with Haymitch. He had gone alone both days and Katniss was growing restless in the room, doing nothing. She probably wasn't going to pull any sponsors, but she at least wanted to get out.

"All right, but I'm doing all the talking."

"I'm fine with that."

"Ow, you little demon, don't do that," Haymitch said as Sorrel tugged on his hair. She giggled and pulled on his hair again.

"Okay, little one, I think you need some sleep," Katniss commented.

After Sorrel fell asleep in their bed, Katniss found herself back sitting on the couch with Haymitch. Mostly everyone in the arena was asleep, save for the select few who were on guard duty.

"You know, she really does look like him," Haymitch said after a few silent minutes.

"I know," Katniss breathed.

* * *

><p>Katniss ended up venturing off with Sorrel almost as soon as they stepped foot on Capitol pavement. Haymitch went off to speak with rich citizens, while Katniss decided to look around. She had never actually seen the Capitol other than the few glances she got out of train rides and windows. As a tribute, she wasn't allowed to explore, and as a mentor, she couldn't find the energy to. But Sorrel was getting bored of the same room and Katniss knew she wanted to do something else.<p>

Expectedly, the Capitol offered a lot of weird shops. Tattoo parlors, nail salons, giant clothing stores, stores dedicated to treating a person with massages and whatever they wanted. It was all new to Katniss, but she didn't linger long. Only when Sorrel tugged on Katniss's braid did she pause.

"Pretty!" Sorrel said, pointing. Katniss followed her finger to a small iced cake in the window of a shop.

"Pretty, Mommy!" Sorrel repeated.

"That is pretty," Katniss said. "Do you want to go inside?"

Sorrel was distracted by a big, deep purple dog walking by, but Katniss was intrigued. Without even thinking, she stepped inside the empty shop and set Sorrel down.

"Be careful," Katniss said gently. She didn't stray far, mostly just pressing her hand and nose against the glass of a display case. Katniss squatted down to see what she was looking at. She noticed a cupcake with a delicate rose on top, and next to it was an identical cookie.

That's when Katniss realized she made a mistake. How could she be so stupid? Who else would be running a bakery in the Capitol?

Katniss lifted Sorrel into her arms quickly.

"Mommy is an idiot," she said. She didn't make it halfway to the door when she heard him.

"Katniss?"

Hearing her name in his voice made her mind go blank. She hadn't heard that voice in over three years. She froze in her spot, not willing to turn around.

_Just walk out, _she thought. _Just leave._

"Katniss?" he asked again.

Slowly, Katniss turned around. Her eyes met his and it was like she was drowning. Water was filling up her nose and mouth and lungs and she couldn't breathe. Peeta was almost twenty. He looked the same as he did when his was sixteen except he was a little taller and his shoulders were a little broader.

He seemed to be as equally surprised when his eyes landed on the baby in Katniss's arms. Sorrel started to whine, wanting to be let down. Katniss let her slide down her hip as she carefully set her down on the ground.

Nothing could have ever prepared her for meeting Peeta Mellark again. She had thought about it, she wasn't going to lie, but she never imagined the tightness in her chest or the redness spilling all over her cheeks.

Peeta shook his head a little.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. His eyes followed Sorrel as she pressed her hands back against the glass.

"Mentoring," she answered quietly.

"What is going on?" he finally asked after several minutes of silence.

"N-Nothing," Katniss answered, feeling stupid for stuttering. She lifted Sorrel into her arms and turned her away so Peeta wouldn't seem himself reflected in her. Her eyes were his and her smile belonged to him, too. She wanted to leave. She wanted to go back to the Training Center, crawl underneath her covers and sleep until she could return to 12.

"Katniss, wait. What the hell is this? Did you have a baby?"

Katniss kept her face turned away from him. She didn't want to look at him.

"Is she…mine? Katniss, _look at me_."

The anger in his voice surprised her. He stepped from behind the counter and made his way toward her.

"Why are you ignoring me?"

She shook her head, her mouth closing and opening. She didn't know what to say to him. She never thought he would really find out. She figured once he left that day, she would never see him again, no matter how much it hurt her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

The silence that followed those two words was astounding.

"Are you…" he paused as his eyes flicked over to Sorrel. She was sitting on the floor, playing with a napkin she dragged from one of the tables. His lowered his voice and Katniss was grateful that he wasn't going to shout at her even though she knew it was for Sorrel's benefit and not hers. "Are you _fucking _kidding me?" he hissed.

Katniss took a step back, feeling herself panicked with his anger. She wasn't good with anger, especially coming from Peeta who she had only ever seen angry once. It was nothing compared to him now.

"Don't you dare," she started, her voice wobbly from all of the emotions she hid for so long.

"Don't I dare what? You had a baby, _my baby_, and you didn't even tell me? You couldn't call me and tell me?"

"What am I supposed to say? 'Hey, Peeta. You haven't even tried to speak to me in three damn years, but I had a baby and she's yours.'"

"That would have been a start, yeah."

"What else could I have done?"

"You could have told me!" he suddenly shouted, startling Sorrel. She pouted up at Katniss, her blue eyes getting big.

"Keep your anger under control, you're scaring her," she snapped. She lifted her daughter onto her feet and pointed toward the cookies.

"Pick out a cookie," she suggested softly, her voice hiding her nervousness and fear. "Pick out a pretty one for Mommy."

When she stood back up, Peeta was still staring at her. "How could you do something like that? Hide her from me?"

"Well, it wasn't so hard considering the fact that you didn't even try to call me. Not once. You call Haymitch every single week, but you can't pick up that stupid phone and try to talk to me?"

"That is a shitty excuse, and you know it."

"I was sixteen! I was scared, Peeta, and you were leaving to live up some bullshit life in the last place you needed to be."

"You think I wanted to move here? Do you think I've been baking bread and living in some fantasy world, Katniss? "

Peeta suddenly yanked up his shirt, exposing his stomach and chest. Bruises covered over half of his abdomen, all in different healing states. Some were yellow and some were just turning dark purple. Katniss felt her breath catch in her throat. She reached out without thinking, her fingers brushing against his skin.

"Who did this?" she breathed.

"Who the hell do you think?" he snapped, tugging his shirt back down.

"I didn't want them to hurt you," she whispered. "I was afraid to tell you because I wasn't sure if he could find a way to use it against you. I didn't want you or her to get hurt."

Peeta let out a scoff and walked away. He shuffled behind the counter before pulling out a few of the cookies Sorrel was staring at and dropping them in a bag. It reminded Katniss of when she was pregnant and his brother did the same thing.

He leaned over the counter and held the bag on Sorrel's level.

"Sorrel," Katniss said, getting her attention. She gestured to the bag. "Get your cookies."

Sorrel approached Peeta slowly, glancing between him and Katniss. She carefully reached out and took the bag from Peeta.

"Say thank you," Katniss said. She had to repeat it a few times until Sorrel finally said it.

"You're welcome," Peeta said, his face relaxing. She watched a warm smile spread across his lips and her breath caught in her throat again. She had missed Peeta terribly, but now he hated her. She could understand. She did hide a big thing from him, but she felt like she had been stuck. She was scared and young and she never wanted kids in the first place.

The bakery door opened as someone else stepped in. A Capitol couple walked in, almost completely ignoring Katniss. They were regulars because Peeta knew them by name. While he was busy, Katniss picked up her daughter and left, never looking back.

* * *

><p>Katniss was woken up by a few sharp knocks on her door. Blinking slowly, she reached out for Sorrel who was curled up next to her to make sure she was still there. She pushed herself out of her bed and opened her door. Haymitch was standing there, his hand frozen to knock again.<p>

Katniss squinted at the bright hall light.

"What?" she mumbled.

"We need to leave. Now."

"What?" she repeated, more awake. "What's going on?"

"I'll explain later. Get Sorrel and let's go."

Katniss stared at him before remembering _no questions asked._ She pulled Sorrel into her arms and grabbed the bag she brought packed with all of Sorrel's things.

"Haymitch, this way."

Persei pointed to the roof access and Katniss raised her eyebrows. The nanny was leading them somewhere. Either Katniss was really tired, or they were planning an escape.

"A nanny, huh?" Katniss asked as they took the roof access. Persei only half smiled before ushering them on.

Landed on the roof was a hovercraft. Katniss had never been more confused in her entire life.

"Where are we going?" she repeated to Haymitch. He ignored her and climbed inside. She followed him, careful not to wake Sorrel. She didn't care if the world was falling apart, if Sorrel woke up from her sleep, she would take hours to calm down.

As they were led down a hall, Katniss could see a man standing at the very end. She recognized him immediately.

"Plutarch Heavensbee," she said.

"Hello, Katniss, Haymitch, Soldier Edenthaw."

_Soldier? _Katniss thought. Her nanny was a soldier?

Plutarch turned to Haymitch. "They both made it out alive. They're in the hovercraft before us, with the other tributes that were lucky enough to stay alive. All except the Careers."

"Wait, can we take a second to actually tell me what's going on?" Katniss asked.

"The rebellion has started. The Districts have been rebelling since you returned from the Games, Katniss. It's taken us three years to plan it all out and make sure everything was right before we could start. The arena had an escape route, a small path that was undetected by some, but others caught on. They followed it to a small gap in the force field that surrounded the arena. None of the Gamemakers knew about it because it was so easy to conceal with just a tree. Both tributes from your District made it out, plus a few more. One of our hovercrafts picked them up just outside the arena before Snow even knew what was happening."

Katniss took a moment to take everything in. She had no idea the Districts were rebelling. She had been so caught up in her baby and her own pain that she hadn't even noticed the rebellion going on around her. That, and Haymitch always kept her in the dark.

"I bent the rule so you could bring your child to the Capitol and I assigned a soldier to keep a watchful eye on you. The Seventy-Seventh Hunger Games was the last Hunger Games ever."

"Why did you change the rules so I could bring her?" Katniss asked.

"Because we knew there was no way you would come with us if she wasn't with you," Haymitched supplied.

"Peeta?" she asked hopefully.

"We already picked him up. He's coming with us too."

"Where are we going exactly?" she asked.

"District Thirteen."

* * *

><p>yay<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

The arrival to District Thirteen was nothing like Katniss imagined. The hovercraft landed one hundred feet from the smoldering ruins of the old Thirteen. Katniss tried to peer out of the windows, but they were blackened before she ever entered. With a sigh, the door opened and Plutarch ushered them out. Only five were on their hovercraft: Katniss, Sorrel, Haymitch, Plutarch, and the nanny/soldier Persei.

A second hovercraft, presumably the one carrying Peeta, landed just a few short minutes later. Katniss waited, standing on her toes to try and get a look at him. They hadn't spoken since he yelled at her in his bakery. Her heart stuttered a little as she thought about it. The image of his bruises quickly left her mind as Haymitch grabbed her upper arm and began to haul her off toward the ruins.

"Hey!" Katniss snapped, trying to pull herself free without waking up Sorrel, who had remained asleep throughout the entire ride. "Let me go. I just wanted to see Peeta."

"Well, unfortunately for you, he doesn't want to see you."

Katniss rolled her eyes. Of course Peeta already told Haymitch everything. They practically had their heads up each other's asses.

"And you can't see him anyways. Not for a while."

"What?" Katniss asked, stopping her struggle. "Why not?"

Haymitch didn't answer. He kept silent all the way through the underground entrance to the district. Katniss forgot her questions as she took in everything. So Thirteen had tricked everyone by creating a massive community underground. Katniss had always seen that black and white bird wing in the newscast of Thirteen. The same bird flew by in the corner every single broadcast. There could only be coincidences so many times. Katniss hadn't believed there was still a Thirteen. She had brought it up to Haymitch one time while she dragged him to the woods so they could talk unmonitored. He'd laughed and told her she was crazy.

She shot a glare at him as he shuffled down some stairs and into a long hallway. He always kept things from her. She wasn't sixteen anymore. She wasn't a child. She had a child of her own and she was nearly twenty. Okay so her birthday was a month ago, but still. She was tired of all of the secrets.

She was pulled into a large room with a TV in the back and a long, wooden table set in the center. At the head of the table sat a woman with grey hair and clothes to match.

"Hello, Plutarch," she said as they entered the room. "Haymitch, Soldier Edenthaw," she continued with a nod. Then her eyes landed on Katniss, flickering between her and her baby. "Katniss Everdeen."

"Who are you?" Katniss asked, bristling automatically. She didn't like the look the woman was giving her. As if she knew every one of Katniss's secrets.

"Katniss," Plutarch stepped in, smiling slightly. "This is President Coin, District Thirteen's president."

President? They even had their own president? They were more advanced than she originally thought.

"I assume you know everything?" Coin asked, raising her eyebrows.

Katniss nodded slightly.

"The tributes have arrived and the healthiest ones have been assigned their rooms. The others are being treated in the hospital wing. Any victors on our side have been picked up and brought over as well. The hovercrafts to pick up bombing victims are on their way."

The last part caught Katniss's attention. She blinked a few times before she leaned forward. "The what?" She asked. "The bombing victims? What bombing?"

Coin frowned a little and looked at Plutarch who shrugged helplessly.

"Katniss," Plutarch said, taking a step toward. He placed his hand on her shoulder and she resisted the urge to shove him away. "There's...no District Twelve. On our way over here, Snow sent out hovercrafts to bomb the district. We don't know how many survived, but we sent out our own hovercrafts so recurve the survivors."

"What?" Katniss asked. Her eyes darted between the people in the room, all sympathetic eyes, all trained on her. Her chest constricted painfully and she sucked in a wheezy breath. District 12 was gone? Her mother, her sister, her friends just gone?

Her lungs burned and only then did she realize she wasn't breathing.

"They're dead?" she asked, her voice hoarse.

"We don't know yet. There is no confirmed list of survivors. They should be here tomorrow."

Oh God, Katniss thought. Oh God, they're all dead.

"Plutarch, escort Miss Everdeen and Haymitch to their assigned rooms. Report back to me after. We have a lot to discuss."

Plutarch nodded and gently steered Katniss out of the big room. If not for the sleeping toddler in her arms, Katniss wasn't sure if she could walk. Her knees wobbled, not helping her situation. Her anger bubbled up, surprising her. She wanted Snow dead. She wanted to watch as the life drained out of his eyes.

She pushed all of those thoughts away. Her family could still be alive. Gale, Madge, Greasy Sae could be alive. She would just have to wait, no matter how painful it was.

Katniss, carefully balancing Sorrel in her arm, reached forward and jerked Haymitch's arm. He glared at her and yanked himself free.

"Where the hell is Peeta?" she snapped through gritted teeth. She wondered if they told him already.

He doesn't want to see you.

She didn't care if he didn't want to see her. She needed to see him.

"You can't see him," Haymitch said roughly.

"I don't give a shit what I can't do. Where is he? Why can't I see him?"

Haymitch stopped walking suddenly. He was still glaring, his jaw locked. He sighed, his shoulders slumping a little. He ran his hand through his messy hair before sighing. "Damn. Plutarch, just show her where the hospital wing is. Good luck finding your way back, sweetheart."

Haymitch trudged on, and Katniss wondered if he had a map or something because he already looked like he knew where his room was.

Plutarch watched him leave, wrinkling up his face like showing Katniss the medical wing was the last thing he wanted to do. Following Hatmitch's lead, Plutarch sighed and gestured for Katniss to follow him. Eventually, they ended up at an elevator that made Katniss's stomach flop as it whooshed sideways.

Katniss followed Plutarch into the hospital, glancing at all of the curtains pulled around beds. The place was eerily quiet. Katniss suddenly remembered why they were there, she stopped, pulling Plutarch back.

"Why is Peeta in the hospital?" she asked, her eyes searching his face.

His grimaced as if the words he were about to say pained him. "A few Peacemakers got a hold of him while the Games were still going. They did their usual thing, beat him up, threaten him a bit. But tonight it was a lot worse than usual. A couple had knives...it was as if they knew he wouldn't be returning that night."

Katniss's breath caught in her chest. "They abused him and you didn't even do anything?" she demanded, her voice angry. Someone behind a curtain shushed her.

"I couldn't. It would have blown my cover as head Gamemaker. As soon as the peacekeepers left, we picked him up. He...broke a couple ribs, so he'll be pretty drugged up, if he's awake at all. I'm sorry, Katniss, but the lives of everyone we were rescuing tonight were more important than risking everything to protect Peeta."

Katniss avoided his eyes, knowing he was right, but her jaw still clenched painfully.

"Here," Plutarch said, pulling a piece of paper from his pocket. "This is a map. Your room is here," he pointed to a room Katniss barely glanced at. She probably wasn't going back to her room. Not tonight. "It's just you and the kid, so there's only one bed."

She nodded, squinting away to pretend like she didn't want to end the conversation right then. He nodded back before pointing toward the very last drawn curtain on the left.

"He's in there for tonight. They're moving him to his room tomorrow."

He turned away, exiting quietly. Katniss folded up the map and shoved it into Sorrel's bag. She quietly walked down the middle of the long room and pushed open Peeta's curtain.

He was curled up on his side, one arm tucked beneath his head. He didn't have a shirt on, and Katniss could see the deep bruising around his chest. She let out a little sigh and sat down a chair positioned toward the bed.

Peeta suddenly opened his eyes and they landed directly on Katniss. They were hazy, and it seemed like he had a hard time focusing. Katniss remained stiff, sure he was going to start yelling at her. But he only gave her a lopsided smile.

"Hi," he said.

"You are so high," was all she replied. His smiled widened a bit before his eyes landed on the sleeping Sorrel. "Who is that?" he asked, frowning.

Katniss blew out a deep breath. "This is your daughter, Sorrel."

"Oh," he answered. He was silent for a moment, taking the whole room in. His eyes caught Katniss's again and he stared at her for a full minute. His smile dipped into a deep frown, his forehead wrinkling. "I feel like...I should be mad at you. But I'm just really happy to see you. You look beautiful. Really, really beautiful."

Katniss's heart squeezed but she quickly shoved the feeling away. Peeta was so doped up on pain medication, he couldn't even remember earlier in the day.

"You should probably rest. You're really hurt," she said gently. She swallowed around a large lump in her throat. They were talking normally, like he had never left. Like they had seen each other the past three years. She had to remind herself that if it weren't for the drugs, Peeta would probably be livid. It was going to be a short lived peace, but at least there was going to be peace, if only for a bit.

"I don't feel anything," Peeta said, smiling at her again. God, his smile made her melt so fast.

"I can see that," she replied.

"So that's my daughter?"

"Yes," Katniss said. She was personally surprised Sorrel hadn't woken up yet. When she did, she hoped she wouldn't scream. That would scare the entire medical ward.

"I can't remember her..."

"You just met her today."

He blinked at her in surprise. "Today?" he asked. His eyes shifted to the ceiling and he frowned again. "I can't remember..."

Katniss stood up and carefully arranged Sorrel in the chair. She grabbed a blanket from the bag and draped it over her.

"Katniss," Peeta said, his voice uneven. "I can't remember."

She moved over to him, touching his arm. "It's okay," she whispered. "It's okay, Peeta."

"I don't...where are we? What happened?"

Katniss frowned, worried. Did the doctors know he couldn't remember anything? He reached out, slotting his fingers through hers. He obviously couldn't remember anything from earlier. Her heart pumped a little harder at the contact.

"We're in District Thirteen. The rebellion has started and we were picked up in the Capitol by the rebels. You're in the hospital. You were...hurt badly. That's probably why you can't remember anything."

He glanced down at the IV placed in his arm, and he reached to rip it out. Katniss caught his hand with her free one and guided it away.

"Leave it in," she said carefully. He nodded and used his hand to run his fingers up her arm. His voice was distressed when he spoke.

"Where's Haymitch? My parents? Are they here?"

Katniss brushed his hair away from his forehead softly. "Haymitch is here. He's in is room. It's late so he's probably asleep. I don't know where your parents are."

Katniss kept the information about the bombing to herself. Peeta was already upset enough, she didn't want to tell him his home was gone or his family might not make it to him.

He blew out air and nodded.

"What do you remember?" she asked gently.

Peeta lifted his hazy eyes to the ceiling as he thought. He squeezed his eyes shut a few times before he answered. "I remember...watching the Reaping on my television..." He wrinkled his forehead in frustration, but only ended up sighing. "I can't remember anything else."

"That was a few days ago," she said, sighing in relief. At least he didn't forget the past few years or anything.

"Mommy?"

Katniss and Peeta both turned their eyes to Sorrel, who was sitting up in the chair, frowning. She blinked heavily, her eyes drifting around. Katniss pulled her fingers away from Peeta and lifted her daughter, their daughter, into her arms.

She brought her over to Peeta and Sorrel stared at him. She probably didn't remember him from earlier in the day.

Peeta smiled. "Hi," he said. He studied her face as she rested her head on Katniss's shoulder.

Katniss had told Sorrel about her father. She didn't want to keep it a secret, knowing it would hurt Sorrel as she grew, thinking her father abandoned her. She had told her that he was in a different District, but he loved her. She knew what a father was, and she knew Katniss didn't have one. She knew Gale didn't have one either, so it wasn't like she knew any better. She asked about him once in a while, more recently than ever. Mostly because she could speak better sentences. Katniss was glad she told Sorrel about Peeta because now meeting him wouldn't confuse her.

"Sorrel," Katniss said, shifting her weight. "This is your daddy."

"She looks just like you," Peeta said, his eyes drifting between them.

"I've heard more that she looks like you," she replied.

"Sorrel is a pretty name," he said, smiling again.

Katniss wished their first meeting was like this one. There wasn't any yelling or anger. But she understood Peeta had a right to be angry, even if she didn't like it. She knew once he was better, he wouldn't be so kind. She didn't want to think about that at the moment.

Katniss placed Sorrel on the edge of Peeta's bed, careful to make sure she wouldn't fall off. Peeta reached out his hand and ran his finger over her tiny braid.

She looked to Katniss for guidance, blinking slowly.

"It's okay," she assured. Sorrel turned toward Peeta and reached her hand out to him. She scooted forward and touched the top of his head, patting his curls. Katniss smiled, her heart lurching at the sight of the two of them. She had a feeling Sorrel would attach to Peeta right away.

"Daddy," Sorrel said.

And then Peeta started crying. Katniss lifted Sorrel from the bed so she wouldn't get upset as well. She quickly dragged the bag from the chair and pulled out some toys. Sorrel grabbed a colored block, forgetting either of them were even there.

"Oh, Peeta," Katniss breathed. She had never, ever seen Peeta cry. She assumed the pain medication was amplifying his emotions.

Peeta scrubbed at his face, wiping away his tears. He took a deep breath, wincing.

"Shit," he said quietly, closing his eyes.

"Peeta, you need to sleep," Katniss suggested.

"I just..." he trailed off, pressing his lips together.

"Don't worry about it," Katniss said quickly. "Not tonight."

He opened his eyes again and trained them on her.

"Okay," he said.

Katniss pressed her lips and turned away, but Peeta reached out and caught her hand. He gave her fingers a squeeze before releasing her.

Katniss's spine hurt in the morning. She was folded up in the chair, Sorrel curled in her lap, sleeping again. Peeta had slept peacefully through the night, surprisingly. Katniss hadn't slept at all. She mostly just kept Sorrel company, feeding her left over snacks from the bag and reading her stories.

Someone opening the curtain startled Katniss. Sorrel shifted in her lap, pressing her face into Katniss's stomach. A doctor stood on the other side of the curtain, a clipboard in his hands. He raised his eyebrows at Katniss.

"Hi," she said quietly.

"Have you been in here all night?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Has he woken up yet?" he asked, flipping through the papers on his clipboard.

"He did when I came in here last night. He doesn't remember anything from the past few days. The last thing he remembers is the Reaping."

"How long was he awake?"

"Probably fifteen to twenty minutes, I think."

"All right."

"What's wrong with him?" Katniss asked as the doctor started writing some things down.

"He has two broken ribs on his right side, and multiple lacerations on his back from knives. He also has post-traumatic retrograde amnesia."

"What's that?"

"He has amnesia due to his concussion. Retrograde means he can't remember some past events. His isn't too serious and his memories should come back to him eventually."

Katniss leaned back a little in her chair, relieved. So he was going to get better. She brushed Sorrel's dark hair away from her soft face. She clutched Katniss's shirt in her small fist and wiggled closer.

"He will recover, but it will hurt like hell."

Katniss glared at the schedule printed on her arm. So far, she hated Thirteen and it was only her second day. Why was there a scheduled time for everything? She wasn't in the military. She rolled her eyes as she yanked her grey sleeve down over her schedule. There was even a designated time for showering.

Sorrel was going on about some memory she had, but Katniss knew it was only a dream.

"And then…then…Mama, listen," Sorrel insisted. Katniss scooped her up into her arms and planted a kiss on her cheek.

"I'm listening."

Sorrel continued her story on the way to breakfast and even through the food line. Balancing Sorrel on her hip, Katniss pulled up her sleeve and flashed her schedule underneath the scanner. Apparently, food was given out depending on your weight, height, age and the amount of physical work you did in a day.

Katniss took her tray and found a spot in the lunchroom where no one else was sitting. Just like everything else in District Thirteen, the food had a grey tinge to it. But Katniss wasn't complaining. She used to have much, much worse, so she knew what to be thankful for.

As Katniss guided a spoonful of eggs to Sorrel's mouth, Haymitch appeared out of nowhere.

"Katniss, the people from Twelve are here," he said. Katniss's heart fluttered terribly as she pulled Sorrel into her arms and made her way to the dish rack. After hurriedly shoving her dishes into the dish rack, Katniss followed Haymitch through the crowd. He led her to the hospital wing again, and Katniss felt like she was going to throw up.

Please be okay, she thought, please, please, please be okay.

Haymitch opened the door and Katniss blinked in surprised at the number of people crammed into the large room. Each and every one of them was covered in soot from head to toe, and the floor was smeared with dirt and blood.

"This way," Haymitch said, gesturing for her to follow him when her feet seized up beneath her. She stumbled after him, weaving between the survivors. She couldn't make out any faces which made her sick.

Haymitch stopped in front one of the curtains, and he pulled it open. Sitting on the bed was Katniss's baby sister and mother.

"Oh, thank God," Katniss breathed, rushing into the room. Both shot off the bed and Katniss pulled them tight against her, not caring about the soot rubbing off onto her clothes. Her mother caught Sorrel's face in her hands and peppered it with kisses.

"Grama!" Sorrel exclaimed happily.

"Gale?" Katniss asked hopefully.

Prim nodded. "He and his whole family got out. He's the one who got everyone out. He got us all to knock over the fence and we hid in the woods. He saved us all."

Katniss closed her eyes and thanked anyone who was listening. They were okay.

"What about Madge?"

Her mother pressed her lips together and shook her head. "I'm sorry, Katniss."

Katniss quickly turned her face away and breathed in deeply to not cry. Her hands shook as she shifted Sorrel to her other hip. Madge, her best friend, was dead. She was there when Katniss found out she was pregnant, she always brought a gift over for Sorrel when she came over, and she babysat anytime Katniss asked. Not to mention she was an amazing friend to her. She pressed her lips together and nodded.

She could grieve later when no one could see her.

"What about the Mellarks?"

Peeta's family. He was so worried about them last night.

"No," her mother said.

"Not one?"

"None."

Katniss shook her head and bit her lip hard. Peeta's mother wasn't the nicest woman to Katniss, but his family was always so kind to her. She remembered when his father brought her cookies after she was reaped and promised to make sure Prim was fed when Katniss didn't return. She also remembered tossing those cookies out of the train window.

She wrapped free arm around Prim and pressed kisses to her forehead. Now she had even more reason to be thankful for her family.

Katniss bumped into Gale as she headed for her shower. Her towel slipped from her arms, and Gale quickly bent to retrieve it. When he straightened and handed it to her, he smiled.

"Hi," he said.

Katniss laughed and pulled him against her in a hug. She'd missed him.

Sometime after her eighteenth birthday, Gale came to terms with the fact that Katniss had Peeta's baby. He no longer told her he loved her or gave her those looks like he did when she was pregnant. It was like just before the Games when they were best friends.

But, just before Gale told her he finally just wanted to be friends, he had kissed her. They were in the woods, Madge taking Sorrel to the market while they hunted. They took a break from checking the snares to sit down and lean against the trunk of a tree. Their conversation was small, and even strained. When Katniss glanced at Gale, his eyes were on her. Then, as if he'd done it so many times before, he reached out and tipped her chin up. She didn't even stop him as he leaned down and kissed her.

She had always been curious how it would feel to kiss Gale. Just like she imagined, she actually felt nothing. There was no deep stirring in her chest, and no warmth spread to the tips of her fingers. He was different than Peeta, which was what Katniss was used to. He kept his hand on her chin, and his head remained in one, unlike Peeta who would always grip her waist and tilt his head to kiss her deeper.

She felt guilty comparing the two, but she had only ever been kissed by Peeta and it was the only thing going on in her head.

"I had to try it," Gale breathed when he pulled away. "Just once."

Then he stood up, offered her his hand to help her up, and they continued on their trek uphill. Just like that. He never tried to kiss her again after that.

Gale pulled away from the hug, grinning. "Where's your clone?" he asked.

"She's with Prim and my mother."

She tugged him back into a hug, squeezing him tight. "Thank you so much, Gale. I'm so glad you're okay."

"Of course," he said.

He pulled again and glanced at the towel and change of clothes clutched to her chest.

"I guess I interrupted something," he said, raising his eyebrows.

Katniss pushed her hair behind her ear and smirked.

"I heard that Peeta's in the hospital. What happened?" he asked. The concern in his face was true, and Katniss was so grateful for that.

"Peacekeepers," she said bitterly. "He's got two broken ribs, all these cuts down his back and amnesia. He can't remember anything since the Reaping."

"Damn," Gale said, shaking his head. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," she answered quickly.

"Well, I'll let you get back to your shower. You need one anyways."

Katniss swatted her towel at him as he walked by, smiling.

She took a deep breath, feeling like a huge stone had been moved off her chest. Everyone she cared for was safe. Peeta was alive, if broken, and her family was roomed right next to her.

Maybe District Thirteen wasn't as bad as she originally thought.


	5. Chapter 5

it's past my bedtime

* * *

><p>Katniss pressed her hands over her ears to stop the screaming. She squeezed her eyes shut, curling her knees up, but they wouldn't stop. They wouldn't stop screaming, they wouldn't stop tugging at her clothes, blaming her, asking her why she couldn't save them.<p>

She could hear Madge's scream over anyone else's.

"I'm sorry!" she cried. "I'm so, so sorry."

Katniss woke up with a gasp, her fingers locked against her chest, her heart beating so loud in her ears. The room was dark, almost pitch black, and she couldn't make out anything except for the large dresser a few feet away.

She could feel that her eyes were swollen and dry and she reached a cold hand up to soothe them. Her hands shook.

A full month in District Thirteen and Katniss still cried every night.

She nibbled on her lip to keep the tears in her eyes from sliding down her temples. She cried for Madge, for Peeta's family and every lost life in District Twelve. The tears were less frequent after a month, but still there, lingering, burning her chest and throat.

Gale was recruited into the army on his second day. During meal times, he always told Katniss of their new inventions, their new techniques to override the Capitol. She tried to be interested, but she hated the way Gale sounded so happy when he spoke about death. He was her best friend, but she could barely spend meals with him anymore.

Peeta was discharged from the hospital, his ribs mostly healed, his memory mostly back. He hadn't sought out Katniss yet, and she assumed it was because he was still angry with her. She never saw him in the hallway, or at breakfast or when she visited Haymitch. He was like a ghost. If she really tried, she could pretend he wasn't there.

Prim and her mother worked with the healers now. Prim was excellent at everything, which Katniss knew would happen. They wanted her to become a healer, and she was completely for it.

And then there was Katniss. In the full month that she'd been there, the only thing she managed to do was piss off a few people, including President Coin. Coin wanted her to be the Mockingjay. Katniss wanted her to shove the offer up her ass.

Haymitch only laughed at her, which seemed like the only thing he was doing as well.

Katniss didn't want to be the Mockingjay. She didn't want to be the "face of the rebellion." She talked to Prim about it, who suggested Katniss be the Mockingjay.

Pushing that thought out of her head, she lifted her sleepy baby into her arms and headed to breakfast.

Katniss's breakfast table was always full of people, mostly victors or family of victors. Gale always sat right next to her, Prim on her other side.

"Good morning, little duck," Katniss said as she took her seat. She kissed the top Prim's head before setting her tray down.

Sorrel, who had woken up only minutes before, climbed into Prim's lap and curled up there. Prim locked her arm around her tiny form and continued eating.

"Hey," Gale said, grinning, as he sat down next to Katniss. He looked especially happy today, and Katniss wondered if they created some new bomb to blow Capitol citizens to dust.

But he was silent as he began to eat his breakfast, only occasionally sending Katniss glances.

"What?" Katniss finally asked in annoyance when Gale shot her a look. He looked relieved that she asked him.

"After breakfast, I have to show you something," he said.

"What?" she asked. "Show me what?"

"Something Beetee made. For you."

Oh, Beetee. That was another thing Gale never stopped talking about. Beetee was a victor from District 3, and he was apparently a genius. He did all the hacking when the rebels wanted to take over the Capitol's broadcasting.

"Beetee? What does he have for me?"

"You'll see. After breakfast."

Just seconds after Katniss placed her dishes in the dish rack, Gale caught her elbow and led her out of the dining hall.

"Where are we going?" Katniss asked. She watched as Sorrel reached out and pressed a few buttons on Gale's communicuff.

"Special Defense."

Katniss decided to stop asking questions.

Special Defense is deep, deep down underground. Katniss had never gone farther than the level the housed her room. It's a beehive of rooms full of computers, labs, research equipment, and testing ranges.

They found Beetee in a large, glass room filled with computer screens displaying his most recent invention. Katniss pretended to not notice it as he stood and shook her hand.

"Gale said you have something for me," she said, raising her eyebrows slightly.

"Yes," Beetee said. "Your new bow."

Those words struck Katniss as odd. New bow? Why would they give her a new bow?

And then she remembered Coin wanted her as the Mockingjay. So they were bribing her with a brand new bow made by a genius victor.

He led the two of them into the Special Weaponry room. Rows upon rows of weapons lined the wall, firearms, bombs, all different types of heavy duty machinery.

And a few bows. Some with scopes and other specialized gadgets. Gale eyed all of them, his eyes a little greedy.

"Here, try this," Beetee said, lifting a heavy bow with a scope on it. Gale grinned as he accepted it. He pulled to sting taught and closed one eye to peer into the scope.

"Doesn't seem fair to the deer," Katniss said.

"I wouldn't be using it on deer, would I?"

Katniss scowled at Gale as he swung the bow around to a different direction. Joining the rebels' army seemed to feed a small flame that Gale had since he was twelve. Once a small flame, it was now a blazing forest fire. Hot and unstoppable.

Beetee left the room to fetch something, probably Katniss's bow. She wanted to ask Gale if he thought killing a person was really that easy, but she didn't want to bring that kind of conversation up around Sorrel.

Beetee arrived back with a long, black case.

"This one is for you," he said as he handed it to her. Katniss debated whether or not to set Sorrel down when Gale slipped her from her arms.

"Thanks," she said before she set the case down and unlatched it. Inside was beautiful black bow. Katniss pulled it out carefully and admired the shape, the smoothness of it underneath her fingers. She missed hunting.

She pressed the bow against her cheek and it hummed pleasantly, like it was happy to see her.

"What's it doing?" she asked Beetee.

"Saying hello. It heard your voice."

She blinked in surprise. "It knows my voice?"

"Yes. Only yours."

She breathed a "Wow," and plucked the string.

Beetee offered to let her practice, but she declined. Her answer was still a no, and she didn't want to try it out, not when she knew it could change her answer. They were good at bribing.

"When you put it up, just said good night and it will shut off."

Katniss carefully placed the bow back inside its case. "Good night," she said. She shut the top and latched it back.

Gale handed Sorrel back over and smiled again. Just for a moment, Katniss imagined Gale standing on top of a roof, firing off rounds into innocent people. She cringed and shook the thought away.

"Thanks," she said to both of them and then she headed out.

Katniss lifted Sorrel higher on her hip. Sorrel's fingers latched on to the collar of Katniss's grey shirt. She seemed content in District 13 so far. She hadn't thrown any fits or refused to sleep, which was good for anyone involved. Katniss was supposed to drop Sorrel off every morning at a daycare type room but she refused.

She was a little stubborn when it came to leaving Sorrel in someone else's care.

"You okay?" she asked Sorrel as she rounded the corner to their floor. She nodded her head, her little fingers crawling up Katniss's throat. She pulled on a lock of Katniss's loose hair and giggled when she grumbled.

Katniss lifted her eyes to scan the numbers above the doors, a habit she formed just to make sure she was always going to the right room. She froze as she noticed a figure leaning against her door.

Peeta.

She might as well left her stomach in Special Defense. Her feet halted underneath her, but after a moment, she continued walking. She knew he was going to seek her out at one point. After all, she did have his child. But she always thought she would have time to prepare.

Seeing him so suddenly made her knees wobble.

He didn't say anything as she approached him, but his face softened in a way that made her heart ache as he saw Sorrel.

"We need to talk," he said to Katniss as she stepped inside her room. His voice was rough and thick. She wondered if he was still crying over his family and friends, too.

"Okay," she said. She set Sorrel down, and she immediately waddled over to her toys.

Peeta stepped inside the room, his eyes sweeping around.

Katniss crossed her arms over her chest and raised her eyebrows, waiting.

"I have everything back, I think," Peeta started, tapping his temple. His eyes drifted over to Sorrel and he cleared his throat. "I'm...sorry for yelling at you. In the bakery. It was just a lot of emotions at once and it was a little overwhelming."

"Don't apologize," Katniss quickly replied. "You had a very good reason to yell."

He stared at her a moment before continuing. "I mean, yeah, but...yelling isn't me. I don't do that."

Katniss felt herself nodding. I want to know her," he said quietly. "I want to know everything about her. It's weird to think I have a baby. I've had a baby for...three years?"

Katniss nodded. She could feel her words trying to bubble out of her mouth but she held her tongue.

Peeta stared at the wall for a good fifteen seconds. He squeezed his eyes shut before speaking. "We can't..." He trailed off, trying to find the words, which was strange for Peeta because he always knew what to say. "It's been three years since I've seen you. Since I've spoken to you. I thought, maybe I'd still love you if I saw you again. But...I don't. I've thought about it since I could remember everything, and I really don't."

It was like Peeta had stabbed a knife straight through her heart and twisted it. She ignored the pain and the burning in her chest. She wasn't supposed to feel anything for him anyways, that's what she'd always told herself. Sex was sex and you didn't need love to have it.

"We could be friends. Just friends," he said. Katniss got a flash of the last time they tried to be friends, the sound of his train leaving echoing in her head. She held back a bitter laugh.

"Friends," she repeated, the word sounding hollow in her mouth. "Yeah. Friends with a baby."

She could do friends. It felt a little better than him ignoring her.

"So," Peeta said, smiling a little. "Does she have a middle name?"

"No," she admitted. "I could barely think of a first name."

Peeta rubbed his hands together a bit his lip.

"Do you want to hold her?" she asked.

Peeta's face immediately lit up. "Yeah. I would like that."

Katniss got off the bed and pulled Sorrel into her arms. She shifted her into Peeta's open arms, and she settled in his lap perfectly.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi!"

"She looks like you," he said.

"I know. You already told me."

He blinked in surprise. "I did?"

"Yeah. When you first got here, you were on a lot of pain medication and I went to see you. I took her with me. You said she looked like me and then you cried."

Peeta grimaced. "That's embarrassing."

Sorrel gripped Peeta's hair to pull herself up onto her feet. She bounced happily, cooing, before smacking her hand against Peeta's mouth. When he spoke, his voice was muffled.

"How old is she? Or, when did you get pregnant?"

"She's two. Her birthday is a week before mine."

Peeta nodded, too nice to pry Sorrel's chubby fingers from his mouth.

"May," he said. "Wait, so you were pregnant before we went on the Victory Tour?"

It felt so weird to Katniss to be talking to Peeta about her pregnancy. Just a few minutes ago he told her he didn't love her, and she felt like there should have been bigger fallout. But she only felt strangely empty. Maybe all those times she told herself Peeta didn't love her anymore actually prepared her in a way.

"Yeah," Katniss replied. "I told Madge I thought I was pregnant in October." Her voice caught on Madge's name and Peeta noticed. He didn't say anything though, and Katniss was grateful because she didn't want to cry anymore.

"October?" Peeta asked, raising his eyebrows. "So you were..." he calculated something in his head. "Three months when I left?"

"No," Katniss answered. "I got pregnant right when we got back from the Games. In August. I was five months pregnant when you left. That day you came into Haymitch's house, I was just about to tell him. After you told us you were moving, I just got really upset, and Haymitch didn't find out until the rest of the District did."

"So why didn't you tell me?" he asked carefully. She could see he was just a little irritated, but for some reason, he was being careful around her.

"I was scared," Katniss said, shrugging. "I was sixteen, and you were gone and I had no one. And you were in the Capitol, and I thought if I told you, Snow would somehow take the information and hurt you, or Sorrel. I didn't want to give him any reason to think he could hurt my baby. Our baby."

"Our baby," Peeta repeated, brushing Sorrel's dark hair away from her face.

"She has your eyes," Katniss blurted. Peeta turned to her, grinning.

"Yeah, she does, doesn't she?"

"So are we all speaking to each other, now?"

Katniss jumped slightly as Haymitch stepped into her room, smirking at them.

"Oh, yes, Haymitch. Please come inside, we were bored without you," Katniss said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"I was just making sure my children weren't slitting each other's throats," he replied. Katniss and Peeta locked eyes before both shooting Haymitch an annoyed look.

"How's the little demon?"

Sorrel turned her head at the sound of the nickname Haymitch had given her as soon as she was able to walk. She let out an excited sound and wiggled out of Peeta's hold, no longer interested in him. She raised her arms up to Haymitch. He lifted her up, scowling at Katniss's grin.

"Wow," Peeta said, leaning back on his elbows. "She likes him?"

"Oh, she loves him."

Sorrel reached up and yanked on a lock of Haymitch's dark hair. She squealed when he winced. Katniss glanced out of the corner of her eye and watched Peeta's loving look toward Sorrel.

She quickly snapped her eyes back to Haymitch, only slightly wishing Peeta would look at her like that.

* * *

><p>Katniss was reading Sorrel a bedtime story when the alarms went off. The sound was loud and shrill, startling Katniss and her daughter. She pulled Sorrel into her arms and grabbed her bag stuffed with Sorrel's baby blankets and toys. She was so thankful she packed the bag before her trip to the Capitol.<p>

She stepped out into the hall with her baby on her hip, glancing around for familiar faces. She didn't know what the alarms were, but Sorrel had her hands pressed over her ears, frowning. People were leaving their rooms and all heading toward the same direction. Katniss checked her sister and mother's room, but it was empty, as she suspected. They were in the hospital at the moment.

Katniss followed the crowd, trying to comfort Sorrel but knowing she wouldn't hear her over the alarms. The climbed down the longest set of stairs Katniss had ever witnessed before coming to a stop at a huge cavern. Scanners line the wall and she watched as people flashed their schedule underneath it. It was probably making sure everyone was accounted for. She waved her schedule underneath the scanner before walking further underground.

She probably looked completely lost because a girl younger than Katniss had to point out that the numbers and letters above the doors corresponded with their rooms upstairs. Katniss thanked the girl and found her way to Compartment E.

That's when Sorrel started screaming, her face red, her tears leaking onto the front of her shirt. Katniss dropped the baby bag and cuddled Sorrel closer to her. She tried to murmur calming things to her, but Sorrel wasn't having it.

Another five minutes of screaming before Katniss heard the large doors she walked through shut. People began to disperse after that, finding their rooms. Katniss sat down on her bed and tried to soothe her daughter.

"What's wrong?"

Katniss glanced up at the sound of Peeta's voice. He was watching her curiously, like he'd never heard a baby cry.

"I think she's just scared," Katniss answered. She reached for her bag and pulled out one of Sorrel's favorite dolls. When she tried to hand it to her, Sorrel threw it on the ground and screamed louder.

Katniss stood up and began to lightly bounce Sorrel.

"Shh," she whispered. "Shh, it's okay."

Katniss remembered Sorrel's first year. Sorrel would keep everyone in the house up all night with her cries. It seemed the only way she would sleep was if Katniss sang to her.

So Katniss sang.

She blurted out the first song she could think of, something her father used to sing to her and Prim when they were little. The song Katniss sang to Sorrel the most because it was the most soothing one she knew.

Peeta was staring at her, she could feel his eyes on her back as she turned away from him and closed her eyes.

By the end of the song, Sorrel's cries had simmered down to small hiccups. Katniss rummaged around inside her bag for a pacifier. Sorrel greatly accepted it.

"You're good at that," Peeta finally said.

"Well, I've had two years of practice."

"And…I've never heard you sing before," he continued. "Not since our first day of school."

Katniss blushed at the mention of that story. When Peeta had told it to her, they were both so close to dying. It felt too intimate to bring up between two friends.

"She likes to be sung to," Katniss said quietly.

"Then she has the perfect mother for that, doesn't she?"


	6. Chapter 6

sorry for any mistakes, but enjoy and review please c:

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><p>"They want you to be the Mockingjay?"<p>

Katniss pulled her knees up against her chest, crossing her arms, and watched Sorrel's lips part with a sleepy sigh. Peeta wanted to try and put her down for a nap, and he did very well. She didn't fight him at all. She was curled up between them on Katniss's bed, their backs against the wall as they spoke quietly.

"Yeah."

Katniss was happy they were friends again. She needed someone to talk to who wasn't her baby sister or Gale. There wasn't anything wrong with either of them, but Katniss was sure they were tired of hearing about her problems.

"Are you going to?"

"I don't know," Katniss admitted. "She tried to bribe me with a new bow. It was beautiful, and it even recognizes my voice, but I don't want to change my mind just because they made me some special weapon."

With nothing to do down in the bomb shelters, her and Peeta usually just ended up talking. Mostly catching up. Yesterday he had told her everything that happened when he moved to the Capitol. Cameras and microphones were installed everywhere. Peeta wasn't allowed to the leave the block, and no one else could work for his bakery except him. The Peacekeepers came once a week, or maybe twice, depending on what type of mood Snow was in. Peeta said after the first time they beat him up, he received a letter and a rose the next day. The letter said Snow had to "keep order" in his country, and Peeta was to be a prime example. He kept Peeta like a little pet.

"Snow's personal assistant had called me the day I told you and Haymitch," Peeta had said. "She told me if I didn't move, they would kill my family." His eyes had flickered over to Sorrel for a second, but he just shook his head. "It didn't do much. Me moving. He ended up killing my family anyways. Most of it."

"Have you talked to Haymitch?" Peeta asked presently, running his fingers over one of Sorrel's old baby blankets.

Katniss rested her chin on her knees. "I haven't," she admitted. "I talked to Prim about it, and she said I should take the offer, but I still don't know. I'd have to train as a soldier and I really don't want to leave Sorrel for that long."

"Training isn't so great," Peeta said, rubbing his palms over his knees. "I'm in a group with Johanna Mason and Finnick Odair."

Katniss knew Finnick. He mentored during her first mentoring, when his tribute won. He mostly made sexual comments that Katniss wasn't too keen on. He liked to tease her, she knew that. A lot of the victors did. She didn't understand it.

"Who's Johanna Mason?" Katniss asked.

"She's a victor from District Seven. She likes to be naked. A lot."

Katniss felt a jolt of jealousy as she thought about Peeta seeing another woman naked. She shoved the jealousy away. He wasn't hers anymore. They were friends and friends didn't get jealous. At least not in the way she was.

"Huh," was all she said. She picked at a loose thread on the hem of her pants. "I don't understand why they specifically want _me_. I mean, you're here. You'd be a better Mockingjay than me, we all know that. I can't act, I can't film these…propos they want me to."

"You were the one who handed me those berries, Katniss. I know everyone keeps bringing that point up, but it really was the start of things. They want _you _because the people know you. They know what you stand for and what you're fighting for. I've been in the Capitol since the moment we came back from the Victory Tour. No one wants to see me up there. Nobody, or at least the citizens, don't want to see me when I've been exactly where no one needed me. Sure, you have a little trouble with public speaking, but the propos aren't usually live. They'll give you a script, too, or let you write your own. Or they might even let me write it, if you want. Katniss, you already _are _the Mockingjay, even if you don't want to be."

Katniss scowled into her arms to hide the smile that was trying to break through. Even after a few years, Peeta knew how to work his words.

"What do you think?" she asked, turning so that her cheek rested against her arms.

"I think you should do what you think is right."

"That's not a lot of help," she grumbled, frowning.

Peeta didn't answer. He stared at the wall straight across from him, his eyes narrowing slightly. "Can I ask you something?" he asked.

"You just did," Katniss replied. Her heart quickened, just like it always did when someone asked to ask her a question. Peeta smiled faintly before Katniss nodded.

"It's kind of a personal question, and you don't have to answer it if you don't want to."

_Well, _Katniss thought, _you've seen me naked. It doesn't get more personal than that._

"Are you and Gale a thing now?"

The question caught Katniss off guard. She thought about the times she ate meals with Gale and walked in the halls with him. She thought about the way he tugged on her braid when he joked and the way he held Sorrel when she wanted him.

"No," Katniss said quickly. "We've never been."

She was trying her hardest not to hint that she had stayed away from all men while he was gone.

"It doesn't matter," Peet said. "If you are. I was just wondering. Does Sorrel like him?"

Katniss shrugged. "She's used to him. After you left and he found out I was pregnant, he kind of stayed away. He was upset that it was your baby, and that just a few months before I had told him I never wanted kids. But after her first birthday he kind of accepted everything-that I wouldn't love him like he loved me. That I had your baby. He's okay now."

Peeta nodded, something flickering across his eyes, but too fast for her to read. He leaned off the wall, stretched his arms above his head and popped a few joints.

"I'm going to head back to my room," he said.

"You should put her down for a nap more often," Katniss said as he stood. "I love these breaks."

Peeta grinned at her before he walked out of her room, leaving her alone with a sleeping baby.

* * *

><p>Katniss agreed to be the Mockingjay the next day, just after the citizens of Thirteen were released back to the upper levels. She had to personally talk to Coin though, because she had some special requests. Plutarch told her she wouldn't be in actual battle, but she would be sent off to different Districts to film propos. He said Sorrel would be left in the care of the daycare and Katniss had never objected to something so fast.<p>

She demanded she be able to pick who she left in care of her daughter. Her first thought was Peeta, but he was a soldier, too busy to keep up with a fussy baby. She reminded herself her mother and Prim would be a much better option since they knew exactly how to take care of Sorrel. So that was one of her terms.

The other one was that she got to personally execute Snow. Coin seemed a little apprehensive about that one, but since Katniss was really their _only _choice as their Mockingjay, she accepted.

Her first "mission" was barely a day later.

She had to go back to District 12. She was allowed to go by herself, or with a companion, for the first time. But after that, her camera crew was to follow and they were to shoot a propo.

There was a meeting before that, though, and everyone who would be on the hovercraft to 12 in an hour had to attend. Peeta was there, which surprised Katniss. She should have known he was going to come along. It was his district, too.

Katniss took her seat and folded her hands in her lap, bouncing her legs in anticipation. Coin stood at the front of the table, her lips pressed together, her hands clasped in front of her. She looked like she was at a funeral. Her eyes scanned the room to make sure everyone had arrived. It seemed Katniss was the last one.

Coin nodded, once. "All right, let's get things started. Katniss, after they arrive in District Twelve, you'll be the first one let down. You can take someone with you or you can go alone, but we need you down there first without the camera crew. When you're ready, the rest of the team will land and shoot some propos." She turned to a woman with a vine tattoo on the shaved half of her head. "Cressida, I don't care what you get. You're the director, get whatever you think will work."

The woman nodded.

"There isn't any Capitol infiltration there. Once they bomb a place, they usually never return." Something glittered in her eyes as she spoke. "That's all. You can head out."

Katniss sighed and pulled herself out of her seat. They boarded the hovercrafts, Peeta, Katniss, Haymitch, and some of the camera crew all in one. A second one containing Finnick and more of the crew followed behind.

"I was hoping to do some unscripted interviews with Katniss, Gale, and Peeta," Cressida said after a few silent minutes on the hovercraft. "If you're up to that," she added, her eyes sweeping across the three.

"That's fine with me," Katniss answered. Gale and Peeta nodded in agreement.

"Katniss," Haymitch said, gesturing for her to follow him. She unstrapped her safety belt and followed Haymitch back into a small room. Something black was hanging up on the wall.

"This was Cinna's design for you," Haymitch said, lifting the thing from the wall.

Katniss's heart ached momentarily. Cinna and her prep team were still in the Capitol. Not kept as prisoners, but still there, all communication between them cut off because they couldn't risk getting any of them killed.

And then her heart ached for Madge, too, because Madge would complain about how black totally wasn't her color. She missed Madge too much.

Haymitch left Katniss to change. The fabric was pitch black and tight, but flexible and breathable. It was much more comfortable than her stiff grey clothes. She pulled her boots on over it and slung her empty quiver over her shoulder. Her bow was packed safely away with the other cargo.

She ran her hands over her flat stomach and glanced in the mirror. Losing the extra weight after Sorrel wasn't as hard as Katniss thought. When Sorrel couldn't settle down and singing didn't help, Katniss went on walks around the district, cuddling the crying baby against her chest and humming quietly. Haymitch usually complained the next morning, but he was always almost smiling when he grumbled.

This was all for her, though. Everything Katniss was doing was to secure a safe future for her daughter. No Reapings, no Games, no killings.

Katniss took a deep breath, reminded herself that the time being away from Sorrel would be completely worth it, and she stepped back out of the small room.

She could feel Peeta's eyes on her as she took her seat again. She wondered what he thought about her new Mockingjay outfit.

"Who are you taking down? Or do you want to go alone?" Haymitch asked, leaning forward slightly. She could feel every eye in the hovercraft trained on her.

"I-I don't know," Katniss answered lamely, shrugging.

"Well, you're going to have to decide soon because we're not too far away."

Katniss's eyes flickered over to Peeta who was watching his hands. She hated to admit it but he looked really good in his uniform. Really good. Maybe she just missed him for too long. She seemed to be missing a lot of people she couldn't have.

Gale was watching her, she could feel his eyes on the side of her face. He wanted her to pick him, to take him down there with her, but she didn't want him. She wanted Peeta. He hadn't seen District 12 since the day he left, and he probably wanted to see it for the first time without anyone else breathing down his neck.

She reached her hand out and ghosted her fingers over Peeta's.

"Do you want to go with me?"

Peeta lifted his eyes to hers and barely nodded his head.

The hovercraft suddenly slowed and Katniss could feel them lowering.

"Listen to me," Haymitch said. "Do not take your earpiece out, do you understand? If you remove it, I will haul your ass up in the second the communication is gone."

He made a point to specifically stare at Katniss because out of the pair of them, she was definitely the most likely to ignore Haymitch's commands.

They descended the ladder after Haymitch repeated his very specific instructions, Peeta first, then Katniss.

Almost nothing remained. Even after a month, there was ash everywhere, the ground completely level and grey. Katniss stared silently, her eyes drifting over the land. Neither of them say a word.

It seems the only thing standing is the Victor's Village, completely untouched, not even ash settled over the buildings. Probably so anyone from the Capitol visiting had somewhere to stay. Katniss glanced behind her where the Justice Building used to stand, now just a crumble of black bricks. She could follow the path to her old house easily. She could barely make out any other buildings, but she carefully picked her way toward it, Peeta a few steps behind her.

The only thing she could pick out was her chimney, now a pile of bricks. With that as her only anchor, she saw where her bed used to be, the one she shared with Prim. Her bathroom was just a few feet away and only the tub remained. Peeta was standing next to her, his eyes traveling along with hers.

She had taken him in her old house twice after the Games. Once when he asked about it and he wanted to see it, and the other time had been when they couldn't find a quiet place to kiss. She wondered if he was thinking about that now. Probably not.

"Katniss? Should I come down?"

Gale's voice sounded unexpectedly from her earpiece and she flinched. She cleared her throat.

"No. No, we're fine."

To prove a point, Katniss turned away from her house and headed toward the Victor's Village. They went into Katniss's house first, and she could tell it was left in a hurry. There were some cans on the counter, her mother was probably about to prepare dinner. Sorrel's toys were scattered all over the living room as they usually were. She climbed the stairs carefully and pushed open the door to her room.

Her covers were rumpled up, just like she left them before she went to the Capitol. Sorrel's books were lined up on Katniss's dresser. And set right on top of those books was a white rose. Petals were scattered on her bed and in Sorrel's crib. Fear clawed its way up out of her chest, and Katniss's instinct to run was overwhelming. She turned and smacked straight into Peeta's chest, stumbling back, gasping. He caught her easily as Haymitch said something into her ear she didn't hear. Peeta pulled her against his chest carefully, one hand on her back, the other wrapped tightly around her arm as he scanned the room. His face hardened instantly.

Was he threatening her, or her baby? She couldn't tell.

Peeta released her and yanked up the rose. He collected the petals from her bed and Sorrel's crib before tossing it all out of Katniss's window.

"Come on," he said, reaching for her arm again.

"Wait," Katniss said, moving just out of his reach. She grabbed a couple of Sorrel's favorite books and a few more toys. She bundled them up in another one of Sorrel's baby blankets. "Okay."

Peeta didn't want to go into his house. He said he took everything when he left and there was nothing there for him anymore. So they moved on to the bakery, Peeta's old home.

Peeta froze when they reached it. All that was left was the oven, melted a little and dingy. Everything else was ashes, and if Katniss looked hard enough, she swore she saw the top of a skull. He stood still for a good five minutes before Katniss touched his arm.

"Peeta?" she asked quietly. His jaw clenched tightly and his eyebrow twitched. Then he abruptly spun on his heel and stormed away.

Katniss didn't even hesitate to rip her earpiece out and follow him. She could hear Haymitch's tiny voice screaming at her, but she ignored him.

"Peeta!" she called. "Peeta, wait!"

She caught up to him back in the Victor's Village, his back against his front door, his arms resting against his knees. He was breathing heavily. When he saw Katniss, he ripped his own earpiece out and stared up at her.

"Fuck," was all he said. "_Fuck_. I didn't think it would be that hard." He shook his head and cursed a few more times. Katniss slid down the door next to him, Haymitch's voice amplified by the two earpieces so close together. She snatched hers up and brought the mouth piece close her lips.

"_Will you just give us a minute?_" she demanded before letting it drop without waiting for a reply. She reached her hand out, just like on the hovercraft, but she slotted her fingers through his instead of barely touching him, and rubbed her thumb against the back of his hand. She could see slightly pink scars over his hands from baking over the last few years. There were probably scars there not from baking, but Katniss didn't want to think about that.

"Hey," she said, her voice soft. She took her other hand and cupped his face, forced him to look at her. "Are you okay?"

He didn't answer. He pulled his chin from her grasp and turned his face away.

"I didn't really think they were gone," Peeta said, his voice muffled. "It didn't hit me until now-seeing the bakery like that. And I know my mother wasn't the kindest woman, we both know that, but she was my mother and I loved her. And they're all dead."

And she could hear him crying. She didn't know what to do, her hands shaking. She slipped her hand from his and pulled him against her, knowing she'd be a disaster, much, much worse than Peeta was acting, if her family died. He pulled away after a while, using his hands to scrub his face and wipe away his tears. Katniss pulled him against her again and pressed a kiss to his temple. She had no words, and she knew even if she spoke, they would sound empty, something people have already said to him over and over again. Meaningless. She was better with actions.

"Do you want to go…" Katniss almost said home, but they both knew Distrct Thirteen wasn't home. "Do you want to go back to District Thirteen? We can do this another day."

"No," Peeta said, rubbing his face again. "No, it's okay. We can do this today."

"Peeta," Katniss said, her heart swelling. "You don't…we don't have to stay here. Those stupid propos can wait. We can go back."

"No," he repeated, standing up. "No, it's-I'm okay. Let's go."

He held out his hand and Katniss took it, standing up. He didn't let go as he walked back toward the bakery.

"I just want to-maybe there's something-" Peeta broke off as he took a step closer. Katniss couldn't see anything salvageable, but that didn't stop Peeta from looking, one hand still tied to Katniss. There were a few pots and pans, but nothing else. And then Peeta suddenly jerked Katniss's hand as he bent over and grabbed something.

He straightened and in the palm of his hand, covered in ash, was a band.

"My father's wedding ring," he said quietly. He curled his fingers into a fist and shoved the ring into his pocket.

Katniss realized she still didn't have her earpiece in. She shoved it in her ear and only heard silence.

"Hello?" she said tentatively.

"Well, look who finally decided to listen to instructions," Haymitch snapped.

"Sorry," Katniss said, offering no explanation. "But…I think we're ready."

Peeta turned away from Katniss, wiped his face quickly.

It took exactly thirty seconds for the entire camera crew and other soldiers to climb down the ladders. Haymitch told her they were all growing impatient and were actually ten seconds away from busting out anyways.

"We'll follow you anywhere you want to go," Cressida said. She introduced the camera men, twins, Castor and Pollux. Pollux, she told them, was an Avox.

Katniss thought of the lake because she couldn't stand breathing in the ash, the _people_, of District 12. Everyone seems to fall into line behind Katniss and Peeta, even though Peeta had never gone to the lake before. With a jolt, Katniss realized they were holding hands still. Peeta must have made the same discovery because the both pulled their fingers apart at the exact same moment.

The air was hot and dry and by the time they made it to the lake, every single person was sweating. They take a break, spreading out around the lake, leaning against trees. Peeta parted to sit with Haymitch and surprisingly, Pollux took a seat next to Katniss. She smiled at him, leaning against the trunk of a large tree. Pollux pointed out a Mockingjay, and Katniss whistled softly. It didn't take long for all of the birds to pick up the simple tune, repeating it back to Katniss until it all melted into a song. Pollux took a stick and wrote _sing? _in the dirt.

Katniss almost shook her head, but paused. She couldn't say no to Pollux, even if she just met him. She can feel everyone's eyes on her as she opens her mouth and sings a song that was forbidden when she was seven. She could see why her mother forbade Katniss and her father to sing it because it was kind of morbid. But she still remembered every word, and she sang them clearly, loudly.

Soon, the mockingjays quickly changed their tune to match Katniss's new one, and even just singing, she could hear how haunting the whole thing was. Then, suddenly, the birds' melody stopped, just listening now.

She thought about Peeta and how he said her father's voice could silence all of the birds. They're silent for her, too, as she finished the last verse.

No one said anything, and across the lake, Katniss could see Peeta's blue eyes staring directly at her, just like when she sang to Sorrel.

Cressida's voice rang out across the quiet circle.

"Cut."


	7. Chapter 7

I did have some trouble with this chapter (obviously since it took me so long to upload) but I hope you still enjoy it! Also felt Katniss's speech was pretty important and that's why its word for word in here :)

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><p>District 2 was mostly composed of a series of villages spread across the mountains. Katniss knew Peacekeepers now resided in those villages, and she also knew that with 13's airpower, it wouldn't be hard to infiltrate. The rebels' toughest challenge was the large mountain at the center of the district.<p>

Katniss had nicknamed it the Nut because of something Plutarch had said to her. He was telling her about how many districts were secure. The only one that was a problem was the one Katniss was currently in.

"The fighting is almost over in all of them but Two," Plutarch had said. "It's a tough nut to crack, though."

So, the impenetrable mountain was now called The Nut. The inside of the mountain was carved out and replaced with the Capitol's military base. A train led from the inside to the very center of the town where the Justice Building stood. Katniss remembered standing there with Peeta, sixteen, pregnant, scared, and trying not to look too closely at Cato and Clove's family. She frowned at the Justice Building for a while until Gale nudged her elbow to get her back into the conversation of how they were, exactly, going to "crack" the Nut.

They had been there for two weeks. Katniss had to pretend she didn't feel the ache of missing her daughter because she knew she couldn't let the feeling get to her. Every time she thought of how incredibly lonely she felt when she slept in an empty bed, she told herself it would all matter in the end. She was going to liberate the districts or she was going to die trying, and her daughter, along with all of the other children in Panem, would be safe and alive and healthy.

A team had arrived earlier in the morning to help with the mountain. Beetee and Gale were among them.

Katniss shifted uncomfortable in her chair. Her tailbone felt numb and her hips ached. Gale was pacing around, thinking, and occasionally glancing at the mountain just outside. Katniss could tell he had a plan forming, but she wasn't sure she was going to like it. She thought of Gale's comment about shooting people with his advanced bow when he finally opened his mouth.

"Would it be enough to disable the Nut?" he asked.

"What do you have in mind?" Beetee asked.

Katniss watched them discuss plans, her head turning from side to side as each one spoke. The words involved something about wild dogs and avalanche patterns. Boggs, who Katniss was convinced was Coin's personal favorite soldier, joined to conversation as he glanced over the maps they had of the Nut. He frowned slightly as he flipped through pages.

"You risk killing everyone inside. Look at the ventilation system. It's rudimentary at best. Nothing like what we have in Thirteen. It depends entirely on pumping in air from the mountainsides. Block those vents and you'll suffocate whoever is trapped."

"They could still escape through the train tunnel to the square," Beetee said, looking out of the same window Gale was.

"Not if we blow it up," Gale replied.

Peeta, who was occupying the seat to Katniss's left, suddenly scowled deeply. He opened his mouth to protest, but a few others beat him to it.

Gale met Katniss's eyes and she could see he was excited. What are you thinking? Katniss silently asked. He seemed so different than the fourteen year-old boy she met in the woods. Maybe that fire had always been in him and she had been too blind to see it until it was too late. He was talking about murdering people like it was nothing.

The plan was decided after a few minor adjustments. They weren't going to trap them in, instead they were going to try and flush them out. Peeta didn't seem happy with the plan, but he kept his lips pressed together as the meeting was dismissed.

Katniss and Peeta followed the flow of the soldiers up to the roof of the Justice Building.

"Hey, you know that song you sang while we were in Twelve?" Peeta asked as their boots scuffed against the concrete of District 2.

Katniss frowned. "You're bringing that up now?" she asked.

He shrugged, fiddling with the strap to his gun. "I know, it's kind of not a great time, but I was thinking about it. I recognize that song."

Katniss's heart skipped a little, but her frown stayed on her lips. "I haven't sang that song since I was little," she said. "My mother banned me and my father from singing it after Prim and I made rope necklaces. Prim was only a toddler so I can see why my mom would freak out about that. But that was the first time I've sung that song in years."

Peeta remained silent, thinking. "Wear a necklace of rope, side by side with me," he said. "No, I remember it. Your father came into the bakery to trade. I think I was six or seven." He paused, smiling slightly. "I remember because I was listening really hard to see if the birds stopped singing."

"Was I there?" Katniss asked.

Peeta thought another moment. "No, I don't think so. I probably would have remembered you."

He looked away then, as they stepped up onto the roof. Katniss wondered if he was hinting at the fact that he was in love with he when they were just children. It wasn't straight answers with him anymore. If they were sixteen, Katniss would have automatically known he was talking about how he had a crush on her. But now, at twenty one, she honestly couldn't tell. She knew his feelings for her had evaporated and she was having more trouble than ever deciphering his words. If they even needed deciphering. They probably didn't. She was really overthinking things.

And then, while Katniss was absorbed in her thoughts, all hell broke loose.

* * *

><p>At least she didn't have to make a speech.<p>

Katniss followed Peeta down to the square where cameras were trained on the Justice Building. Haymitch, all the way from 13, had spoken into both of their ears and told them Peeta was going to make a speech. They had successfully cracked the Nut with Beetee and Gale's plan.

"Good choice," Katniss said, relieved. Everyone knew she was terrible at speeches. The last speech she had made killed a man.

Cressida clipped a microphone onto Peeta's uniform before they stepped onto the top of the stairs. Katniss was given her bow. Peeta didn't get three words out until the trains arrived. The doors slid open and smoke and people tumble out. The people inside the train fire out randomly, taking out the lights.

A young man staggered out of the train, one hand pressed against a bloody cloth at his cheek, the other dragging a gun. He stumbled and fell forward, revealing the scorch marks on his back and the bright red flesh underneath. Before Katniss could think, she flew down the stairs.

He was just another burn victim from a mine accident.

"Stop!" She yelled, running toward him. "Hold your fire! Stop!" As she stumbled to a stop in front of the man, she reached forward to help him up. He dragged himself up to his knees and trained his gun on her head.

Peeta came up from behind her. He stepped around and in front of her, blocking her from the man's line of fire.

"Peeta," she said, warning in her voice, touching his arm.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't shoot you," the man said. Katniss stepped to Peeta's side and the man's eyes flickered to her. "Both of you."

Peeta protectively reached his arm out in front of Katniss. He nudged her with his elbow, trying to push her back behind him, but she wouldn't budge.

Katniss knew Peeta was supposed to speak. She knew he was supposed to give a speech, but she blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"I can't."

Katniss expected Peeta to jump in and take over, but he remained silent. Haymitch, in her ear, remained silent. So she pushed on.

"I can't. That's the problem, isn't it? We blew up your mine. You burned my district to the ground. We've got every reason to kill each other. So do it. Make the Capitol happy. I'm done killing their slaves for them."

She dropped her bow and nudged it. It skittered across the ground and landed just a few inches away from the man's knees. Peeta didn't move his arm.

"I'm not their slave," the man muttered.

"I am. That's why I killed Cato…and he killed Thresh…and he killed Clove…and she tried to kill me. I just goes around and around, and who wins? Not us. Not the districts. Always the Capitol. But I'm tired of being a piece in their games."

Peeta's fingers grazed Katniss's wrist in recognition. He had said that during their games when neither of them could sleep and he showed her the rooftop. It seemed so, so long ago, but she had always remembered his words.

"Katniss, keep talking," Haymitch urged in her ear.

"When I saw that mountain fall tonight, I thought…they've done it again. Got me to kill you-the people in the districts. But why did I do it? District Twelve and District Two have no fight except the one the Capitol gave us. And why are you fighting with the rebels on the rooftops? With Lyme, who was your victor? With people who were your neighbors, maybe even your family?"

"I don't know," he replied, his gun still level on the two of them.

Katniss turned, glancing around at the machine guns. "These people are not your enemy! The rebels are not your enemy! We all have one enemy, and it's the Capitol! This is our chance to put an end to their power, but we need every district person to do it!"

She turned to the cameras next, gently pushing Peeta's arm away. She reached her hands out to the man. "Please! Join us!"

And then she got shot.

* * *

><p>Katniss dreamed about Peeta. She dreamed about hands roaming over skin and kisses in the dark. When she woke, she was confused to find herself alone and in pain. Blindly, she ran her hands over her torso. Her fingers brushed against rough bandages and she sighed.<p>

"I'm alive," she said, her voice rough.

"No shit."

Katniss jerked at the sound of an unfamiliar voice. Sitting next to her bed was a girl a few years older than her. Her dark brown hair was cut off at her chin, and even in the dark, Katniss could see the annoyed look on her face.

"Who are you?" Katniss asked defensively. "Why are you here?"

"Johanna Mason. District Seven. Your baby and baby daddy were here a few minutes ago, but it was your spawn's bedtime so they left."

Katniss remembered Peeta mentioning Johanna Mason. She went along with them to Two, but Katniss never really saw her. She wondered why Johanna was giving her such an annoyed look.

"He asked me to stay here and watch you in case you died or something."

"What happened?" Katniss asked.

"Well, you were shot. It wasn't by the man you was talking to. It was by someone further back. You bruised your ribs and they had to take out your spleen."

"My spleen?"

"Yeah, you ruptured it."

"Oh," Katniss said, frowning. It felt like someone was repeatedly punching her in the ribs.

"Your baby daddy should be back any minute," Johanna said, slouching in her seat.

"He's not my baby daddy."

"Oh?" Johanna asked skeptically, raising her eyebrow. "Then what's that little thing always running around your ankles? A ghost?"

Katniss narrowed her eyes. "You don't like me," she said.

"Nope," Johanna replied. "But since I like Peeta, I did him a favor."

"And why, exactly, don't you like me if we've never met before?"

"Listen." She leaned forward, her annoyed look getting progressively stronger. "I don't like you at all. I don't care that you're the Mockingjay. I don't like what you did to Peeta, and I think he's a fucking idiot for forgiving you. Is that clear enough?"

Katniss jerked back in surprise. Peeta had confined in Johanna Mason about Katniss? That seemed odd to her. It wasn't like she expected Peeta to not talk about it at all, but she thought, out of anyone, he would talk to Haymitch.

"That's none of your business," Katniss snapped, her face heating up.

"Well, you see, I spent a lot of time in the Capitol thanks to our mutual pal President Snow, and Peeta had his bakery there, too. So when I had nothing else to do, I usually went there. And you know what we would do? We would talk. Peeta is my friend, and he is the first person I've cared about in a long time, and you come along and fuck him up pretty badly with your "secret pregnancy." So, no, I don't like you."

Katniss opened her mouth to reply, but Peeta decided at that moment to appear.

"Hey, you're awake," he said as he entered. If he noticed the tension in the air, he didn't say anything. Johanna stood up and stretched, no longer paying Katniss any attention.

"I was having a blast watching your comatose baby mama, but I've got to run."

Peeta smiled as she left, and he took her seat.

Johanna's little speech was still echoing in Katniss's head. Who gave her the right to judge Katniss? She had no idea what Katniss had to do to protect her child, and just because her and Peeta were friends didn't mean _his_ business was _her_ business.

"How are you feeling?" Peeta asked. He reached his hand out absently, but pulled it away at the last second.

"Fine," Katniss said, her words clipped. She tried to readjust herself but she only ended up gasping as a dull pain shot across her back. Peeta reached forward to help her but she swatted his hands away.

"You bruised your ribs," he said, drawing his hands back.

"Yeah, I know. Your friend told me," Katniss grumbled.

"Johanna?" he asked, smiling slightly. Hot irritation flashed through her chest. Katniss had to resist the urge to slap the smile right off his face.

"That's the one."

"Did she say anything?"

Katniss pressed her lips together. She wanted to tell him what Johanna said, but at the same time she didn't. Even though she was angry, she knew she deserved some anger from people. She did keep Peeta's own baby a secret from him. But she had her reasons, and she would do it again if it meant keeping Sorrel safe.

So, she shoved her anger down and only shook her head. "No."

* * *

><p>Katniss kept herself away from the crowd. She was happy for Finnick and Annie, but she felt strange being in a huge crowd mostly made up of citizens from Thirteen. Sorrel kept walking in circles around Katniss's legs, running her hands over her mother's knees.<p>

Prim flounced over, her face a little flushed. Sorrel automatically reached her arms up and Prim lifted her and balanced her on her hip.

"Hey," Prim said. "Why aren't you dancing?"

Katniss shrugged. "There's no one to dance with."

"You can dance with me," Prim said, smiling.

Katniss shook her head. "No, you're having too much fun with Rory out there."

Prim's flushed face turned even redder and she quickly averted her eyes. Ever since Prim and Rory had hit puberty, it was like they couldn't even make eye contact without blushing furiously. They always studied together after school and Prim spent most of her free time with him. Katniss would be a fool if she didn't think there was something going on between them.

"I-I'm not-" Prim stuttered, shaking her head.

Katniss laughed. "Calm down, Prim. I'm just kidding."

Prim blanched and let out a frustrated sigh. "Well, I'm going to dance with Sorrel for a bit. I think we both have some energy we need to get out."

She disappeared back into the sea of people with Sorrel on her hip. Katniss crossed her arms across her chest and searched the crowed for a familiar face. She caught Peeta's face, and she almost pushed herself off the wall, hoping she could pull him into a conversation. But then the crowd shifted and Katniss could clearly see Peeta was currently occupied with someone else. There was a girl in his arms, her own arms wrapped out his neck, and she was smiling. Her blonde hair was piled neatly on top of her head and her eyes shone brightly. As she spoke, Peeta laughed and slid his hands a little lower on her hips.

Katniss was so interested in the couple that she didn't hear Plutarch approach. He settled his hand on Katniss's shoulder and she jumped, her hand flying against her chest.

"Oh, did I startle you? Sorry," Plutarch said.

"No, I'm fine."

"We're filming a few things here to show the Capitol the bombs didn't affect us," he explained. "Cressida is behind the whole thing and she wanted me to ask if you could dance with Peeta. You know, you two are the whole face of this thing, and I'm sure seeing you two together would do something for the districts."

Katniss sighed a little and shrugged. "I guess."

Plutarch grinned. "Perfect. Just go find him. It doesn't matter where you dance or anything, but just try to look like you're enjoying yourself."

"Right, because enjoying myself is so hard to believe," Katniss grumbled as she pushed her way through the crowd. Peeta was still dancing with the pretty blonde girl, and the sight of them together made her want to turn around and run. But she shook off that feeling, and instead tapped on Peeta's shoulder.

He turned and smiled. "Hi," he said. The girl smiled at Katniss as well, but Katniss didn't pay attention to her.

"Cressida wants us to dance for a new propo," Katniss said. The girl pulled herself away from Peeta and smiled again.

"I guess you can get a turn," she said, smiling again. Katniss's mouth twitched in an almost polite way before the girl disappeared behind some people.

Peeta offered his hand to Katniss and she reluctantly took it. He pulled her close, and Katniss was remembered of the time they were in the Capitol during the Victory Tour. I was the first time they danced together.

They were silent as they slowly turned. A question was burning in Katniss's chest, but she kept her mouth shut. She didn't want to annoy him. Peeta shifted her closer, and the movement tugged on her ribs painfully. It had been a couple of weeks since she was shot, but her bruised ribs were still trying to heal.

"Oh, sorry," Peeta said quickly. He ran his hands down her sides and brought them back up. Her skim warmed at his touch. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," Katniss replied.

A moment of somewhat awkward silence passed between them and Katniss knew she had to make small talk. "So, who were you dancing with?" she asked carefully.

"Huh?" Peeta asked. "Oh. She's just a nurse. She was my nurse when I broke my ribs and had that amnesia."

"Oh," Katniss said. The air was stale between the two and Katniss wished the song would hurry up and end so she could go brood in the corner again.

"I frosted their cake," Peeta said, dipping his head toward Finnick Odair and Annie Cresta. Katniss had known Finnick before Thirteen and she had known he had many lovers in the Capitol. It came as a shock to her that his actual love was some crazy girl from his district. Peeta had told her that after Annie's games, her mind just wasn't quite the same.

"Really?" Katniss asked, relieved to find subject they could speak of that wouldn't make either of them feel awkward.

"Yeah. Turns out I'm the closest thing they have to a decent baker," he said with a grin.

"Oh, shut up," Katniss said, rolling her eyes. "You're a great baker."

"Maybe you can hunt for the meat, that way both of our best skills are being used."

"Ha-ha," she replied.

The song came to a slow end, and Peeta pulled away without hesitating. He took her hand and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek that made her heart race.

"I'll see you around," he said, his mouth curving into a smile, and just for a moment, Katniss thought the song had ended too soon.


	8. Chapter 8

okay so there are a lot of timeline jumps in this chapter because we've all read Mockingjay so we know what happens

* * *

><p>The Capitol was a lot more different in the middle of a war than in the middle of the Hunger Games. The streets were empty and the air had a certain chill to it even in the middle of the summer. The only sound was the squad's heavy boots against the brightly colored street.<p>

Katniss shifted her full quiver of arrows around on her back. Several feet in front of her, Peeta and Johanna were discussing something quietly, their lips barely moving. She wondered if they were talking about her.

Gale lingered a few feet behind Katniss, an irritated look on his face. Ever since he suggested blowing up the Nut and trapping those workers in it, Katniss kept a distance from him. She hated the silence between him, but she hated the new Gale even more. She wanted her best friend back-the boy who gave her a stupid nickname and followed through with it for nearly ten years.

It seemed like the people Katniss loved the most were slowly realizing what kind of person she was. Peeta had held her up on a pedestal since he was five. He thought she was perfect and pretty and all of those things. And then suddenly, at nineteen, he realized that she wasn't as great as he originally thought.

She hated that Peeta didn't think of her that way anymore mostly because he was the only one who ever thought good things about her. She took that for granted and she had realized it too late. Now he didn't like her nearly as much as he used to because he saw the _real _Katniss Everdeen.

It shouldn't have upset her as much as it did. She was the one who was pushing him away when they were younger, after all. The years they were separated, Katniss's longing for him grew. She ignored it, of course, because she honestly thought she would never see him again. But seeing him in person, seeing him with their daughter, hit her like a ton of bricks. She didn't know if it was love. She didn't really know what romantic love was or what it felt like, but she knew there was something in her for him.

It was annoying that she didn't even know her own feelings and emotions, but she's been so out of touch with them since she was twelve that trying to figure them out presently was driving her crazy. The only thing she knew was that she loved Prim and she loved Sorrel but everything else was a blur.

And, of course, she knew she hated Snow.

Finnick stepped in next to Katniss quietly, the sun reflecting off his bronze hair. Katniss didn't know Finnick too well, but she knew him and Peeta and Johanna all ate together in the cafeteria. Katniss usually ate by herself. Sorrel liked to be up early in the morning which meant Katniss was one of the first ones in the cafeteria for breakfast. Peeta had joined her one morning, but he liked to sleep in a lot.

Katniss fidgeted with the strap to her quiver full of arrows and squinted up at the sun. She didn't have a problem with Peeta's friends (well, maybe there was a little friction between her and Johanna,) but being around them made her feel a little uneasy. She couldn't exactly pinpoint why, but when she told Haymitch, he said it was because she was jealous.

Whatever.

"Are you here to tell me that you don't like what I did to Peeta and you think he's a fucking idiot for forgiving me?" Katniss asked, keeping her eyes on the sun. She was surprised to hear Finnick laugh.

"I think Johanna got that covered," he said.

Katniss thought about Finnick's wedding the week before, and how Peeta danced with that nurse. She wondered for a second if her mother or her sister knew her name before she almost laughed at herself. She was being ridiculous. So what if Peeta danced with a girl? It was just a dance, and even if it wasn't, it wouldn't matter anyways. Peeta had said it himself, he didn't love her anymore and she would just have to get over it.

"Then what exactly do you want?" Katniss questioned. She felt another attack coming on, as if Finnick was just about to throw her on the ground and stab her with his weird trident. Not that she'd let him get that far. She could notch an arrow quicker than he could take a breath.

"Just thought we could chat."

Katniss nodded, but Finnick didn't continue. Instead, he lifted his sea green eyes to the buildings as they passed. They were told about the pods, and each member of the star squad got to see the map they were supposed to follow. There weren't any pods on the block they were currently on, but the next block was peppered with them. Mostly, they were there to film a few propos, but Katniss was really hoping to get to Snow's mansion so she could kill him. But that may have been shooting a little too far. For all she knew, they could end up having to stay in hiding in the Capitol for weeks. She hoped that wasn't the case.

"You know, I was part of the team sent in to retrieve Peeta. Me and Johanna both," Finnick said after a few minutes of silence.

"Huh," was all Katniss said. She didn't know that. She didn't even know there was a team sent to retrieve him. She just thought he was picked up by a hovercraft.

"He died on the way to Thirteen," he continued. "I restarted his heart. Luckily, my parents taught me CPR when I was little because there wasn't a doctor anywhere near."

His comment made Katniss stumble a little. "He died?" she asked.

"Yeah. Those Peacekeepers did a pretty good number on him."

Katniss's mouth opened and closed a few useless times. Why wouldn't Peeta tell her that? Or Haymitch? Unless neither of them knew, which she highly doubted. They were all pretty good at keeping secrets from each other nowadays.

"Johanna and I spend a lot of time in the Capitol." His voice was bitter and he scowled up at the sky. "So we were the team sent in because we knew the Capitol well, and the three of us had become good friends. I'm not going to lie; it was scary seeing him there, blood all over the place, barely breathing. I thought he was going to die. Or, well, I thought he was going to stay dead."

"Why are you telling me this?" Katniss asked suddenly.

"Because I know he hasn't told you, because that's just Peeta, but I want you to know that he has been through hell and back. Quite literally. I also want you to know that Johanna is a little protective about Peeta because she hasn't had someone to care about in a long time, and she may seem a little, um, _vicious_ at the moment. She's just worried and when she's worried, she lashes out. You were the most obvious target at the time."

"Right," Katniss said.

Finnick smiled at her like he decided that what she said was funny. The whole conversation was kind of random in her opinion. She didn't know why Finnick sought her, but he seemed content with the whole thing, because he quickened his pace to match Johanna and Peeta's, leaving Katniss by herself.

She had a feeling a lot of things were going to leave her by herself.

* * *

><p>Katniss curled her knees against her chest and watched her name roll across the bottom of the Capitol broadcast. Her hands were sticky with Bogg's blood, and she wanted to wash them off, but she wanted to watch the emergency broadcast more. Peeta sat down next to Katniss, little blood droplets littering his neck and jaw.<p>

He was as silent as everyone else in the room. His name scrolled by just after Katniss's.

Finnick suggested they find some food and Messalla, Cressida's assistant, seemed to know exactly where secret food could be stashed away. While he pulled canned foods out of air vents, Peeta leaned back against the previously-clean couch.

"It feels like we're in the arena again, doesn't it?" he asked quietly. "Bogg's death, the fear, those stupid traps."

"Yeah," Katniss answered simply, and Peeta stood to find food. He returned exactly two minutes later with one can.

"Here," he said, holding it out to her. "Your favorite."

Katniss took the can from Peeta. It was Lamb Stew, the kind with the dried plums. The one they ate in the cave while water leaked through the top and they shared a couple of kisses. The memory made Katniss's heart squeeze terribly, and she was silent for a full minute until she could find her voice.

"Thank you," she said. She peeled the top off and used it as a makeshift spoon. The taste brought back memories of fevers and bodies pressed tightly together in a small sleeping bag. She offered him a bite, but he only shook his head faintly.

"Not hungry," he said. "I just want to get out of here. These apartments are freaking me out."

"We can't go up, and we can't stay put," Messalla said. "So there's only one option."

Gale supplied the answer easily. "Down."

* * *

><p>"<em>Katniss.<em>"

The things kept saying her name over and over. Their words overlapped until it was all one big noise, but Katniss could still pick out her name every few seconds. She tried to go off on her own, she tried to separate from her friends, but they wouldn't let her. The mutts were specifically after her. They wouldn't stop killing until they got her, and she couldn't let her friends risk their lives for her, Mockingjay or not.

But they wouldn't let her go. They stuck together against her will.

Pollux found a ladder that led aboveground, but Katniss could tell someone was missing. Jackson and Leeg 1 were gone. Katniss paused. She hadn't known them very well, but they were still apart of her team. Peeta urged her forward with his hands and she grabbed a hold of the ladder.

Peeta, Gale, Katniss, Cressida, Johanna, and Pollux are the only ones that made it up. Below, Katniss could hear a scream, and without thinking, she grabbed Cressida's gun and used the flashlight to look down where she just crawled up. She barely had enough time to see Finnick's head yanked back before one of the mutts ripped his throat out.

Peeta made a sound, but Pollux slammed the top down before anyone could do anything.

_Don't feel, _Katniss told herself. _You can't feel right now. _

With a click, Katniss felt herself disconnect. Numbness spread from her chest all the way out to her fingers. She took Peeta's arm and pulled him to his feet. He was still staring at the covering Pollux had slammed down. Johanna was backed against the wall, her mouth open.

"Come on," Katniss said carefully. "We need to move."

They couldn't afford to have emotions at that moment. They needed to get to safety first, even if none of them even knew where safety was.

Blindly, the six of them climbed up through another apartment.

* * *

><p>Katniss tugged on her fur coat, feeling her body heat multiplying by the minute. Cressida and Pollux had already left and were making their way through the crowd. They had designated times to leave, and Peeta was next. His blonde curly hair was sticking out underneath his hat and he was tapping his fingers impatiently on his thigh. Then it was his turn. He leaned forward but before he could even lift his foot, Katniss jerked forward. She wrapped her arms around him in a hug, ignoring the way he stiffened a little. After a second of surprise, he pulled her against him. His arms were warm and strong, just like she remembered, and when she pressed her nose against his shoulder, she was amazed to find he still smelled like cinnamon. It was very faint, but she could still pick it out.<p>

She closed her eyes and let herself remember the feel of his arms as he held her against him in the middle of the night. That felt like forever ago. Katniss pulled away, leaving just enough space that she could stand up and kiss his jaw. She was reminded of another time, another life-threatening situation.

"Be safe," she breathed.

Peeta allowed her to hold on for a couple more seconds before he released her.

"You too. Both of you."

And then he disappeared in the crowd. Katniss watched him leave with a strange feeling in her chest.

She hoped he took her advice.

* * *

><p>Katniss stumbled into the City Circle. Around her, people were pressing forward, trying to push themselves onto President Snow's front lawn. She didn't know where Peeta, Cressida, or Pollux were. She saw Gale grabbed by a Peacekeeper. She was all alone.<p>

Children littered Snow's front lawn. Peacekeepers guarded the children, not so people can't get in, but so that the kids can't get out. They were a human shield for the President.

Silently, a Capitol hovercraft appeared over the group of children. Silver parachutes fluttered down before the hovercraft disappeared again. The children reached out in awe. They grew up watching the Hunger Games, they knew exactly what came in those parachutes. Their little fingers excitedly tugged at the strings that tied the parachutes. And then twenty of them exploded.

Red splattered the snow and the Peacekeepers jerked in surprise. Some children were already dead, but others were crying or completely fine, covered in blood, clutching the other parachutes like they were sure there was something good in them.

Rebel medics rushed in. Katniss knew the uniform well because just before she left for the Capitol, Prim had proudly shown hers to her sister. And then Katniss saw a long blonde braid. She watched as Prim slipped her jacket off to cover a small child who was crying.

Katniss screamed her name, trying to shove past the crowd, but no one was budging. She thought Prim heard her, her sister's lips formed the beginning of Katniss's name.

Then the second parachutes went off.

* * *

><p>Mentally disorientated.<p>

That's what Katniss's bracelet read. She slid it around and around her wrist in the hospital and continued to twist it when they led her to her temporary room in Snow's mansion.

Prim was dead.

That seemed like the only thing Katniss could think about. Maybe they were right to give her a mentally disorientated bracelet.

They wouldn't tell her where Peeta was. They wouldn't tell her where Gale or Haymitch was. They tried to let her daughter in, but Katniss didn't want Sorrel to see her the way she was. She didn't want to turn into her mother. She was going to grieve, but whether she thought she could or not, she was going to pull herself together for her daughter. There was no option.

One day, while Katniss was tugging on her bracelet and trying her best to ignore the pain the fire caused on her back, her bedroom door opened, and in stepped Haymitch.

"Morning, sweetheart," he said as he closed the door behind him.

Was it morning already? Katniss didn't really sleep anymore. But she wasn't really worried about the time of day. She flew off the bed and into Haymitch's arm. No one would tell her anything, so the whole time since she had been in the mansion, she had no idea who was alive and who was dead.

She had thought Haymitch was dead.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked.

"No," she breathed. "Is Gale alive? Peeta?"

She was scared to ask. If either of them were dead, Katniss wasn't sure what she was going to do.

"Yes. But Katniss, I need to tell you something. About Peeta."

She pulled away from him, her stomach clenching with nerves.

"What?" she asked.

"Katniss, he's alive, but some Peacekeeper's caught him basically right after he separated from you and Gale."

"What'd they do to him?"

"He's been hijacked."

* * *

><p><em>Hijacked.<em>

Katniss had never heard that word before. Haymitch had to explain the meaning to her in careful words. They injected trackerjacker poison into him and altered his memories. He couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't anymore. He was living in a nightmare.

Katniss wasn't allowed to see him. His team of doctors told her that he was too violent at the moment. They forgot to mention that he hated her now, but Haymitch didn't.

"They've altered his memories to make him their own personal weapon. I don't know how they did it in the timespan they had, but they managed to find every shred of video where you two communicated, and they changed it all. It would have been much worse if he would have stayed in Twelve. They would have had more footage and more things to change. I've talked to him. He thinks you tried to kill him in the first games. He thinks you set off the bombs that killed his family, and he thinks you're the reason he went to the Capitol and was tortured by the Peacekeepers," he explained.

Katniss didn't answer for a good few minutes. "So, what does this mean? Can he get any better?"

Haymitch shrugged. "They don't know. The doctors in charge of his hijacking destroyed the research so we have no idea how it happened, or how to fix it. He's only violent when someone brings up you, but sometimes he has these attacks where he just goes crazy. The brought in a head doctor, Dr. Aurelius, to see if he could fix anything. I think it could have been worse if we were in Thirteen. I mean, their doctors are okay, but they aren't Capitol doctors."

"Have you mentioned Sorrel?" Katniss asked. "Does he remember her?"

"He does. He doesn't seem violent towards her, but we still can't let them come in contact. We're just not sure yet. I think she just kind of confuses him. He doesn't understand how he hates you so much, but had a baby with you."

Haymitch was the one who cared for Sorrel after Prim died. Katniss was surprised to hear that, but at the same time she wasn't. She knew even though Haymitch called Sorrel a demon, he liked her more than he was letting on.

"Will I ever be able to see him?"

"Yes, but not right now. They're still trying to figure everything out first."

Katniss rubbed her hands down her face and nodded. Everything just got a _lot_ more complicated.

* * *

><p>Katniss stood on stage and carefully pulled the one arrow from her quiver. She notched the arrow and pointed it straight at Snow's heart where the white rose she personally picked out was tucked into his pocket. She thought about Coin's new idea for the new Games, and she thought about her talk with Snow, how he said the parachutes were a great move on Coin's part.<p>

Katniss took a deep, steadying breath and shifted the arrow up just a little bit. She released the arrow and watched as Coin collapsed over the side of the balcony, dead.

* * *

><p>Katniss Everdeen stepped off the train to District Twelve. The air seemed clearer since she last visited. Haymitch told her some 12 survivors were trying to rebuild the district. She wasn't sure how that was going to work out since the whole district was basically ash save for the Victor's Village.<p>

Sorrel stopped walking and reached her arms up, wanting to be held. She didn't seem affected by anything that had happened. For all she knew, her parents had gone on a nice vacation. Haymitch walked silently next to them. He was supposed to "watch over" Katniss as her mentor since her mother was not returning to Twelve. She had said there were too many painful memories. As if Prim was only her daughter and not Katniss's sister. As if she didn't have Katniss and Sorrel.

After the assassination, Katniss had been detained until they could figure out what to do with her. It was fall outside which meant Katniss had been in the Capitol for at least two months.

Peeta wasn't allowed to leave the Capitol. Katniss didn't know much about him anymore, but Haymitch told her there were some improvements. She didn't know if he was coming back to Twelve when, and if, he got better, but she felt really numb about the whole thing.

Haymitch veered off to go into his house after saying his goodbyes. Katniss carefully climbed the steps up to her own house and opened the door. She almost expected Prim to be sitting by the fire while her mother cooked lunch. But the house was empty.

"Come on, little one," Katniss said, setting down her bag. "Let's eat."

* * *

><p>thank you please review C:<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

Katniss tugged her scarf closer to her neck, shivering at the chilly air that was finding its way through her layers. It was only the beginning of fall, but growing up, Katniss hated when it got cold because there was less food to eat. The feeling carried over into adulthood, even after the Games, when she had enough money for everyone in the district, and even after the rebellion, when starvation wasn't nearly as big as a problem as it was before.

The air nipped at the tip of her nose and cheeks and swirled leaves across her path. Sorrel wasn't happy with the hat Katniss forced over her dark hair, but Katniss would rather have a fussy baby than a fussy cold baby.

Sorrel whined and tugged at the hat and then her jacket. She obviously didn't have a problem with the cold like Katniss did. When she was younger, Katniss would bolt at the first sign of any season other than summer.

Today, Katniss planned on buying a few things from the freshly built market, but was distracted by the burned down buildings that had yet to be cleaned up. One of those houses just happened to be the mayor's. Katniss had avoided that part of town all together because she wasn't quite ready to deal with it. Her best friend had died in that house and the only way Katniss knew how to deal with those feelings was to ignore them completely.

Katniss halted in the middle of the road and stared at the remainder of the Undersee's house. Nothing remained except for ash, and most of it had been blow away from the breeze. Katniss could remember standing on their back porch giving Madge strawberries like it was yesterday, Only it was three years ago and Madge was alive,

Losing her best friend left a hole in her heart that seemed to widen with Prim's death, her mother's abandonment, and Peeta's hijacking, until it consumed every artery, every vein. The loss was never ending. She couldn't handle the whole, the blackness, so she always just ignored it. She pretended like she wanted to get out of bed in the morning, and that she wanted to make breakfast. She pretended like ignoring the urge to crawl back underneath her covers and sleep forever wasn't a task.

And all because she had Sorrel. Her daughter was the reason Katniss got out of bed, and she was the reason Katniss wasn't afraid of singing anymore. She sang Sorrel to sleep, she sang while she was in the shower, she sang while she made lunch. She sang because she knew the silence of an empty house would eat her up inside.

Katniss took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a second.

_Madge is gone, _she thought. _She's gone and there is nothing you can do about. It's not your fault. President Snow killed her, and he's dead now. It's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault._

Katniss opened her eyes and took another deep breath. She had to do that now; take a moment, tell herself that the part of her that hated herself more than anyone was being wrong. She didn't kill her best friend. Snow did. And he was dead, and President Coin was dead, and that was why she couldn't leave District Twelve.

"All right," Katniss said, more to herself than to the toddler in her arms. "We came for the market, not for…other things."

So she turned on her heels and made her way toward her original path. She had been in District Twelve for a total of two weeks. Whoever was cleaning up the district had already cleaned most of the ash up. The market had been over halfway done when Katniss arrived, and it was finished just last week. She hadn't gone to it yet, mostly because she didn't want to leave the house, and because she had plenty of food still in her pantry.

Katniss was mostly nervous about other people. She didn't want people coming up to her and asking her about anything. But, when she got there, everyone seemed more interested in the fresh fruit than her. She breathed out a sigh of relief when she saw that, and she ran through her head what she needed to buy. Haymitch had told her routine was a good thing for them, so he said they should have dinner at least once a week on a specific day. She hadn't agreed yet, mostly because she felt like without Peeta, their dinner would be quiet and maybe even a little awkward between them.

She knew he was right about routines because the day after she returned to 12, Katniss had set up a specific schedule; when to wake up, when to eat breakfast, when to wake Sorrel up, when to click on the news for five minutes before turning it off. She wasn't always there, but going through the motions was helping her realize that staying in bed was going to solve nothing. Prim wouldn't want her to lay around in bed all day, and Sorrel barely let Katniss sleep past eight a.m. Not that she usually did anyways.

Katniss needed meat and vegetables for dinner. She wished she could go out and kill her own meat, but the fence was under construction and even though Katniss knew for a fact that Haymitch could easily watch Sorrel for her, she still wouldn't go anywhere without her daughter.

"What do you want for dinner?" Katniss asked as she lifted Sorrel up higher on her hip. The market was a little warmer than outside, but Katniss wasn't going to risk having to wrangle Sorrel back into her coat and hat.

"Spaghetti!"

"We had spaghetti last night," Katniss replied.

"Spaghetti!"

Katniss reached up underneath Sorrel's fluffy jacket and tickled her belly. "You're silly," she said.

She squirmed away, giggling. "No, you're silly!"

"Maybe I am a little silly, but we can't have spaghetti _two nights _in a row."

Katniss settled on soup. It was something easy to make and Sorrel loved soup, even if she was still chanting about spaghetti by the time they left.

The trip back to her house was shorter than the trip to the market. Katniss kept her eyes straight and decided not to take any detours. There wasn't any time for her heart to ache anymore.

Katniss made her way past her house and stepped inside Haymitch's. When he arrived, Katniss told him that if he wanted her to come over he would have to either clean the house himself, or hire someone who could clean it for him. Surprisingly, he didn't argue, and two days later Hazelle Hawthorn was shaking out his rugs in his front lawn. Shortly after, he bought a few geese to raise them. They usually wandered into Katniss's backyard with no fence keeping them in. She usually kicked them back over just so she could hear Haymitch scolding her from his back porch, and she would actually laugh.

Haymitch's house smelled like oranges. There was a hint of vomit and mold, but overall, it didn't smell too bad. In fact, it smelled much more pleasant than it used to.

"Haymitch," Katniss called, setting her bags full of food on his clean kitchen table.

"Haymitch!" Sorrel echoed.

Katniss moved around to his backdoor and cracked it open.

"Haymitch!" she called.

"Holy hell, I'm right here," Haymitch said from his seat on his back steps. The geese surrounding Haymitch took off as Katniss approached. They didn't seem to like her very much given the fact that she always kicked them.

Katniss lowered Sorrel down and let her chase after the birds. She took a seat next to Haymitch and stretched her legs out.

"What have you been up to?" Katniss asked.

"Not drinking," he grumbled.

"You're out already?"

"Unfortunately. There's some coming on the next train, whenever that is."

Inside the house, Haymitch's phone started ringing loudly. He didn't move.

"Shouldn't you answer that?"

"Why don't you?" Haymitch snapped back. Being sober really wasn't his thing.

"Fine," Katniss said. "Could you at least make sure your geese don't maul my daughter in the meantime?"

Haymitch waved her off as she stood up. He was so grumpy when he wasn't drunk. Katniss pushed open his back door and reached for the phone that was sitting on his counter.

"Hello?"

The other end was silent. Maybe they hung up. She had no idea who would even call Haymitch anyways.

"Hello?" she repeated, deciding to wait a few more seconds. When no one answered, she moved to hang up the phone, but someone's voice leaked out of the receiver. She pressed the phone back against her ear.

"-there?"

"What?" Katniss asked.

"Who is this? Is Haymitch there?"

Katniss sagged against the wall at the sound of his voice. The air in her lungs whooshed out in one large exhale.

"Peeta," she said. He didn't say anything for a few seconds.

"I'm sorry, I don't know who this is."

Katniss's eyes fluttered shut. Did they completely erase her from his mind to heal him? She wouldn't entirely mind that.

"It's me. It's Katniss."

The other end was silent again.

"Oh," he said after a moment, the tone of his voice making it hard for Katniss to decipher what he was thinking. "Did I accidentally call your house?"

So he remembered her. She had no idea what had happened after she left the Capitol, but it wasn't like she knew anything before, either. But she didn't know if he was himself again; if he would ever be himself again.

"No," she answered. "Haymitch is here. He's outside."

"Can I talk to him?"

That's all? That's all he was going to say? She wanted to hear more from him. Did he still think she was a mutt? That was the word Haymitch had used when he first told her about everything. Peeta thought she was a mutt, like those wolves who tore Cato apart for hours. Like the poison they injected into him.

"Yeah," Katniss said. She set the phone down and opened the back door again. She sat down next to Haymitch and let a couple of silent seconds pass between them before she spoke. "Peeta's on the phone for you."

Haymitch just squinted at her. "Ah, shit," he said, pulling himself up. He went inside the house, but left the back door open, like he wanted Katniss to hear what he was talking about. Katniss rested her head against the railing and listened quietly.

"Yeah, Peeta, that was real. Real…also real. No, not real. She didn't do that. Yes, she dropped the nest, but she ran away after that. That was Cato…"

What was real supposed to mean? God, she wished Haymitch would tell her what was going on with him. No, wait, she wished _Peeta _would tell her what was going on with him. She heard a lengthy pause from Haymitch and then he laughed.

"Uh, you may want to ask her that. That sounds kind of personal. Yeah, she's here. Do you want to talk to her? Oh. Are you sure? You'll have to talk to her eventually. She's got your kid."

Katniss closed her eyes and shook her head. She felt…well, she wasn't quite sure what she was feeling. She knew it wasn't Peeta's fault, but she couldn't help but feel a little resentment towards him. They were going to go nowhere if they didn't speak to each other. She knew he was having trouble fixing himself, but based on what he just said to Haymitch, he needed some answers from her. And she didn't mind giving them, but he had to speak to her first.

"All right. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye."

When Haymitch stepped back outside, Katniss pretended she wasn't listening. Sorrel chased a goose right into Katniss's lap, and Katniss shoved the thing off before even thinking.

"Hey," Haymitch warned as the goose squawked and ran in the opposite direction.

"Do you talk to him a lot?" Katniss asked, lifting her daughter into her lap.

"Not until recently. He wasn't allowed to use the phone until last week."

"So it's like this again?" she asked. "Peeta in the Capitol, calling you every week, never speaking to me."

"Katniss," Haymitch started, but she cut him off.

"No, no, I get it. I really do. He's got some things to sort out in his head and obviously you're the only one who can help him. And, also obviously, he hates me because of what they implanted in his little noggin."

"No, Katniss. That's not it. He's back to himself as best as he can get. Dr. Aurelius has done really well with him, and he was calling just to clear up a few things before he left."

"Left? Left to go where?"

"Here. He's coming back to Twelve."

* * *

><p>When Haymitch told Katniss that Peeta was coming back, she expected it to be the next day. But the day passed with no sign of him, as did the next three weeks.<p>

Katniss kept going through the motions, this time including a walk around town to see the improvement. New shops were being set up where the Hob used to be. Katniss was allowed to hunt freely through the gate they added to the fence surrounding the district.

Katniss was so sure that Haymitch had been wrong, that Peeta wasn't returning to Twelve. One day after her walk around the district with Sorrel, she saw the lights on in Peeta's house and she halted to a complete stop. She stared for a good five minutes before Sorrel started tugging her hand impatiently.

Haymitch was right. Peeta was back.

Katniss wanted nothing more than to walk up his front steps and knock on his door. But he had told Haymitch he didn't want to talk to her, and Katniss had to respect his space. She didn't know what was going on in his head and she didn't want to mess anything up by barging in unannounced.

So, Katniss lifted Sorrel into her arms, adjusted her hat, and kept walking toward her house. Inside, she unzipped her jacket and shrugged it off. Sorrel ripped off her hat the second she crossed the threshold and she threw it next to Katniss's jacket on the couch.

She toddled off somewhere toward the office down the hall while Katniss shuffled around the kitchen to find something for dinner. She gathered some bell peppers, figuring they'd go well with some turkey. She was so out of it from knowing that Peeta was just two houses down that she didn't notice she'd sliced her palm open until the blood dribbled onto her white shirt.

"Shit," Katniss grumbled, groping for a towel to press against the wound. "_Shit."_

_Whatever, _she thought as she peeled the towel away from her hand to check out the cut. They could just eat the leftovers from lunch. Katniss wasn't really in the mood to make dinner anyways.

After dinner, Katniss pulled Sorrel into her bed and made up a story about an extravagant kingdom. Sorrel fell asleep curled up next to Katniss, her stuffed animal tucked up underneath her arm. Katniss kissed her forehead and reached over to turn off the lamp. She thought about Peeta next door and her heart thumped painfully at the thought of him.

But she pushed that all away and tried her best to sleep.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Katniss sat curled up on the couch with a thick blanket to ward off the chill in the air. Her mother kept sending her books to read, and while Katniss had ignored them at first, she had ripped open one of the packages after she made breakfast because she couldn't think of anything else to do. If she had nothing to do, the thought of Peeta would eat her up inside and she did <em>not <em>have time to feel sorry for herself.

Katniss snuggled down a little further into the couch and glanced away from her book to check on Sorrel. Sorrel was stretched out on the carpet just a couple of feet away, playing with some of her toys. Her dark, curly hair was still messy from sleep and she was still in her pajamas. Looking at her, Katniss felt her heart swell considerably. She thought of when she was sixteen, when she was terrified of having a baby, and even more terrified of the thought that she couldn't love her baby. She remembered feeling Sorrel move around in her belly the first time. It solidified that fact that it was _real, _there was really a baby inside of her. The feeling of her pressing her tiny feet against Katniss's ribs etched a fear deep within her that even the Games didn't leave.

But she survived those months, and she survived giving birth and even raising Sorrel for nearly three years. She was no longer scared when she looked into her daughter's eyes, an exact replica of Peeta's. Her daughter was safe and no one could ever take her away from Katniss.

"Hey," Katniss said, folding down the corner of the page she was on in her book. "Come here."

Sorrel looked up from her toys, wrinkling her little nose. After a moment, she stood up and crawled onto the couch next to Katniss. Katniss pulled her underneath the blanket and tugged her close. She kissed the top of her head.

"I love you," Katniss said. When Sorrel didn't respond, Katniss tickled her until she was gasping for breath.

"I love you too, Mommy!"

Katniss tugged on her jacket and flipped her hair over her shoulder. Sorrel was trying in vain to work her hat off her dark hair, but Katniss tugged it back on more securely.

"All right," Katniss said, lifting her daughter into her arms. "Let's go."

Outside, the cold wind whipped Katniss's hair around her shoulders and lifted the edge of her jacket up. She hiked Sorrel up further on her hip and squinted up at the sun.

"We'll make today short. I know you hate that hat," she said as she stepped off her front porch and started in the direction of the woods. She thought they could go through Katniss's familiar woods instead of the new district. A set schedule was good, but it was also good to change things up every once in a while.

Katniss glanced at Haymitch's house as they passed. No lights were on, as usual, and no smoke was coming out of the chimney. He must be cold. Or maybe he's too drunk to care. Katniss made a note to make sure he was alive after her walk. As she approached Peeta's house, his front door opened and out stepped Peeta.

He had burn marks crawling up his arm and they reached their fingers over his forehead. The last time she saw him he was strapped down to a bed with a needle in his arm. He hadn't seen her because his doctors wouldn't let her in his room. His blonde hair was shinier and somehow more blonde than she last saw him. His eyes weren't clouded over which was a good sign. He walked down his front lawn to check his mailbox.

Sorrel turned her head and watched as he pulled a few envelopes from his mailbox. Her eyes lit up, and before Katniss could stop her, she shouted, "Daddy!"

Peeta's head whipped to their direction.

_Shit, _Katniss thought. She shifted Sorrel to her other hip and offered a weak wave. To her surprise, Peeta smiled. He closed his mailbox and walked toward them, his eyes trained on Katniss the entire time.

"Hey," he said when he was just a few feet away. He shoved his mail into his jacket pocket and let his bright blue eyes travel over Katniss.

"Hi," she replied, her voice barely audible.

"Daddy!" Sorrel cried again, and she actually started trying to wiggle out of Katniss's arms. Sorrel hadn't seen Peeta in quite a while, and Katniss was a little surprised that she remembered him.

Peeta smiled again, making Katniss's heart jerk. He held out his hands, palms up. "Can I hold her?"

Katniss didn't say anything and Peeta dropped his hands after a few silent seconds.

"Right. I-That was kind of stupid to ask."

"Oh, no. I just-no. You can hold her," Katniss stuttered. He seemed fine to her. He wasn't raging about how she was a mutt, which she expected was a good sign. She shifted Sorrel into his arms, and Peeta held her close to him, smiling at her again.

"Uh," Peeta started, shifting his weight from foot to foot. "I'm sorry about not talking to you on the phone. There's just a lot of things I'd rather talk about in person."

Katniss wrapped her arms around herself and nodded. "No, it's fine. Understandable," she said, squeezing her elbows. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"Are _you _okay?" Peeta replied.

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay. I still have a lot of nightmares, but what can you do?"

"I have nightmares, too. But I'm really good at telling what's real and what's not real. There's a few foggy things, but mostly everything's cleared up."

"You hated me," Katniss said. "You thought I was a monster, right?"

"Yeah. They fuc-" he stopped, glancing at Sorrel. "They messed me up pretty badly," he corrected.

"How did you get better? Haymitch told me the doctors who…who did that to you destroyed the research, so they couldn't really figure out anything.

"The doctors just showed me a lot of real footage from our games. They had to tell me what was real and what wasn't. And this…nurse kind of helped me."

Damn. Katniss remembered seeing Peeta dancing with that Capitol nurse in Thirteen with her shiny blonde hair. That damn nurse.

"The one from Thirteen?" Katniss asked.

"The one…oh, yeah. That one."

Katniss felt a sharp pang of jealousy shoot through her chest, but she just pressed her lips together and nodded. Peeta flushed and glanced away. _Oh God, _she thought. _He's blushing. He likes her._

But she stopped herself from thinking past that. Maybe he was…she couldn't even think of an excuse. Well, it didn't matter because the nurse was probably back in the Capitol and barely remembered him. She hoped.

"Do-do you want to come over for dinner?" she asked.

"That sounds good. We should probably talk."

Talking…didn't sound so bad.

"Okay. We eat dinner at five-thirty."

Peeta smiled. "Sounds perfect."

* * *

><p>Peeta pulled his jacket closer to him as the chilly air nipped at his cheeks. He skipped up the steps to his house and opened the door, sighing as the warm air hit him. Taking the mail out of his jacket pocket, his shrugged out of his jacket and hung it up next to the door.<p>

Seeing Katniss again was interesting. She had chopped all of her hair off since he last saw her. Her hair barely grazed her shoulders now when before it was nearly down to her waist. It was weird seeing her so normal. In his mind, he kept seeing her angry and violent. But in person, she seemed beaten down overall, like she was just tired of everything. And Sorrel was an exact replica of Katniss. She had the same wide eyes even if they were the color of Peeta's, and every expression she made was ones he had seen on Katniss's face before.

Peeta stepped around the corner that led into the kitchen. The first thing he saw of her was her tan legs. His eyes traveled from her calves up to her hips. She must not have heard him come in because she was still facing the stove, stirring the soup she proudly made by herself. Peeta quietly stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She jerked in surprise at his touch, spilling a little soup on the stove.

"Peeta," she scolded, dropping the ladle back into the pot. "You scared me."

He kissed her freckled cheek and she wrinkled her nose.

"Does it really take that long to check the mail? What did you do, get distracted by the grass growing?" she teased, trying to wiggle out of his grip.

"Katniss was out there," he said, tightening his arms around her.

"Oh? How did it go?"

Peeta rested his chin against the top of her head. "It went well. I think she was a little surprised to see me. She had Sorrel with her, too. She invited me to dinner tonight."

"That was nice," she said, running her fingers over his.

"We have a lot to talk about. We've got to figure out how we're going to split up time between Sorrel. And I want to tell her about you. About us. We were good friends before everything that happened in the Capitol, and I don't want to lose her as my friend. I think she'll like you," Peeta said into her golden hair.

Emerald rested her head back against Peeta's chest and smiled. She was the one who was there for him when he didn't remember anything. She was there when he thought Katniss had murdered his family, and she was the only nurse his doctors would let in to deliver his meals and check his vitals. And he liked seeing her heart-shaped face and the freckles that fell across her nose until he decided, after two weeks of her coming in daily, that he would like to see more of her. And he _recognized _her because he had asked her to dance during Finnick and Annie's wedding.

Peeta leaned down and planted a kiss on her rosebud shaped lips.

"I guess we can have soup tomorrow," she said with a smile.

And Peeta kissed her again.

* * *

><p>the last part was just to break a few hearts ;)<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

hello! Sorry i haven't updated in so long, this chapter was hard to write and school + work is wearing me out. please enjoy and tell me what you think :)

* * *

><p>Katniss pushed away vines, little droplets of water splattering against her skin. Her nose was full of the earthy smell of her surroundings and the heat was almost unbearable. She didn't know where she was, or why she was there, but there was something calling her to the clearing just a few feet ahead. She stepped past more vines and her feet landed on the edge of the clearing.<p>

Standing in the middle was Prim, wearing Katniss's old shirt and skirt just like the day of the reaping. Her golden hair was pulled into two braids, but she wasn't twelve anymore. She was sixteen, just like the last time Katniss saw her. Prim turned her head and smiled at Katniss.

"Katniss," she said, lifting her arms. Katniss felt herself smile as she took a step forward, but her foot sank into the dirt like it was water. Panicked, Katniss moved her other foot forward, thinking she could pull herself out with it, but that one sank in as well. The dirt was rock hard, but somehow she was up to her knees in it.

"Prim?"

Something ominous was hanging over their heads like a thick cloud full of rain. But Katniss had a feeling it wasn't about to rain.

Prim's clothes turned blood red. Her irises turned black and the tips of her braids caught fire.

"_Prim!" _Katniss cried, her throat burning with the desperation of her voice. She fought hard against the hold on her, digging her nails into the dirt, pulling up leaves and insects. It was happening again; she couldn't save her baby sister. Prim was dying all over again and Katniss was as useless as the first time.

Prim was saying Katniss's name over and over again as she went up in flames. The fire consumed the entire jungle floor, first catching Katniss's hands, then working their way up. Her clothes melted against her skin and hair was consumed entirely.

Katniss woke up screaming, her hands shaking as she patted herself roughly. There was no fire, no jungle, no sister. She was in her bed, sweating and crying. It took her a few minutes to calm herself down. She was at home and Prim had died months ago. It wasn't her fault, it wasn't real.

Katniss ran her shaking hands over her old burns. The skin was slightly rough and darker than the rest of her skin. After Katniss woke up in the hospital after the rebels won, the doctors offered her the same stuff they pumped in her body after the first games to repair her, but she declined. There was no point in fixing her ruined skin. She didn't care what it looked like.

Flipping the covers off, Katniss slipped out of her bed. Sweat dripped down her neck at the same time she shivered from the chilly air. The clock read four in the morning and Katniss sighed. There was no way she was going back to sleep after that nightmare. Before she went downstairs, she checked on Sorrel to make sure she didn't wake her up. Sorrel was tucked happily underneath her blanket, a stuffed animal shoved under her arm; sound asleep.

It was still pitch black outside as Katniss passed the little kitchen window over the sink. She grabbed a glass and filled it up with water. She climbed up on the counter and sipped the water carefully, suddenly nervous that she could get sick. It wouldn't surprise her if she threw up. Her nightmares had disappeared momentarily, as in she lasted one night without them, but they came back with a vengeance. Maybe her dinner with Peeta the night before had settled her mind, if only for a while.

She enjoyed having dinner with Peeta. They talked about Sorrel and Haymitch and his stupid geese. They didn't even brush against what happened to Peeta when the Capitol took him, or the war, and it made Katniss happy. She thought it would have been hard to hold a conversation without mentioning the war, but they lasted the whole night without bringing it up. Peeta had brought wine, which surprised Katniss because she didn't know he liked it. After drinking a couple glasses, her head felt light and fuzzy, but she wasn't sure if it was from the wine or from Peeta.

She felt like he had been holding back something but she didn't want to push him into telling her. If he even wanted to tell her, he would on his own time, and Katniss knew it was critical for him to have his space. That's what she would want.

Katniss finished her glass of water and filled it up again. The air had cooled her off for the most part. Her heart was no longer slamming against her ribs. Maybe thinking about Peeta had calmed her down. Maybe she was getting better at forgetting the nightmares, or at least pretending to.

A headache was starting just behind her right eye, throbbing throughout her skull. Katniss set down her glass and ran her fingers over her forehead. She always got a headache after nightmares. It was as if her brain was punishing itself for coming up with the images it tortured her with.

The air was cool, but not cool enough. Leaning over, Katniss opened the window above the sink slightly and let the cold air from outside leak in. The breeze was crisp and smelled of trees.

Glancing out of the open window, Katniss stared up at the full moon that was shining bright light down on the district. It was the same moon that Katniss saw when she was in the arena, the same moon she glanced at as she made her way to Peeta's house after a nightmare, the same moon that shone through her bedroom window hours after she gave birth.

She wondered what the moon thought of her now.

* * *

><p>Later that evening, after Katniss put Sorrel down for a nap because she was starting to get moody, someone knocked on her front door. She set down the book she was about to crack open and pulled herself off the couch. She could feel the tiredness in her bones as she moved toward the front door. It was like it was radiating from her ribs and slowly soaking into every pore. Katniss was so <em>tired, <em>but she knew the second she closed her eyes the nightmares would start.

Rubbing her eyes with her fingers, Katniss opened her front door and was surprised to see Peeta standing there. He had his hands in his pockets and the wind picked up the ends of his curly hair. For just one minute, Katniss could see him as sixteen again, but that image blew away with another gust of the cold wind.

"Peeta," she said, smiling slightly. "Come inside."

"Sorry that I didn't call or anything," he said as he stepped over the threshold. Katniss waved her hand, making a face that told him of course he didn't have to call. "This won't take long. Something's just been bugging me since we had dinner last night. I wasn't completely truthful."

_Uh oh, _Katniss thought. _Was my food really that bad? _Usually, she wasn't too bad at cooking, but Peetacoming over had made her super nervous.

"There was just something I was supposed to tell you, but I ended up sort of chickening out."

"Okay," Katniss said, cupping her own elbows. The room suddenly seemed too hot. "What is it?"

Peeta's eyes shifted away from a picture frame hung by the front door containing a picture of Katniss and Prim and laughed at her expression.

"It's nothing bad," he said. "I promise."

For some reason, his reassurance didn't help her sudden nervousness at all.

"What is it?" she repeated.

"There's this girl. Her name is Emerald and she's from the Capitol. She was a nurse in District Thirteen when we were there, and she was transferred back to the Capitol after the war." His words came out in one big breath, like he couldn't contain his excitement.

Blinking, Katniss cocked her head to the side and just stared at him. "And?" She felt like she wasn't getting the whole picture. What the hell did that nurse have to do with anything?

"_And_," Peeta said, stressing the word with the biggest smile on his face. "A few months before I left the Capitol, we started dating. And just before I left, I asked her to move with me, and she said yes. So she's here."

"Here," Katniss said, her voice sounding odd in her own ears. "In District Twelve."

"Yes," Peeta said, smiling again. "I really wanted you two to meet, but Emerald was kind of nervous because she knows how good of friends we are, and she really wants you to like her."

Katniss was sure Peeta was still bumbling on about that girl, but she couldn't quite hear him anymore. She tried to swallow but it felt like she was forcing mouthfuls of gravel down her throat. She couldn't even form a coherent thought at the moment. The gears in her head remained frozen and she wasn't quite sure how to thaw them out.

"Katniss?"

Peeta's voice shook her out of her stupor, but she only stared at him blankly. Then her thoughts erupted.

_What the hell? What in the _fucking hell? A girlfriend? He had a _fucking girlfriend_?

Katniss forced a smile to keep herself from absolutely just throwing shit around. She was so caught off guard, so jumbled up, that she didn't realize Peeta was still there, let alone speaking, until he grasped her arm.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his blue eyes wide with concern. She had to physically resist the urge to shove his hand away from her. She had to repeatedly tell herself to calm down before she took a careful step back, breaking the contact between Peeta and herself.

"I'm fine," she said, wondering if her voice sounded as strained as it felt. "That's…great, Peeta," she continued, forcing down the hot lump that had formed in throat.

_He's not yours, _she told herself. _He never was. _

"She really wants to meet you," Peeta said. "She's great Katniss, really. I know you'll like her. If you want to-"

"Not right now," Katniss interrupted, ignoring the hurt that flashed across his features. "Maybe later," she lied. No way in hell would she ever meet Peeta's new girlfriend, even if she made his world shine bright. She wasn't into self-harm.

"Oh," Peeta said. "Of course. Whenever is good for you."

"I've got a lot of cleaning to do," Katniss said suddenly as an excuse to get him to leave. She could barely breathe anymore, and she didn't want to act like she was so happy for him when she was the complete opposite.

"Right," Peeta said, backtracking to the front door. "I'll see you later." He left with a smile, and Katniss had to bite her tongue so she wouldn't tell him to not come back.

* * *

><p>Around ten in the morning the next day, Katniss stormed through Haymitch's front door with Sorrel hiked up on her hip. He was laying on the coach, squinting at her and the morning sunlight.<p>

"Morning. Who pissed you off?" Haymitch asked.

Katniss let Sorrel slide down her hip and she moved toward the back door to play with the geese. "Not now," Katniss said, steering her toward the living room where Haymitch was.

Haymitch's house was a disaster. Hazelle, who usually kept Haymitch's house tidy, was currently out of town visiting Gale in District Two. And Katniss needed something to take her anger out on. She started with the dishes, slamming them around and ignoring Haymitch's half-hearted attempt to stop her.

"So, he told you," Haymitch said, entering the kitchen. He sat down at his dirty kitchen table and stared at her until she couldn't handle it.

"What?" she snapped, slamming a plate into the dishwasher and grabbing another to scrub at.

"He told you about her," Haymitch said, and it wasn't a question. Katniss ignored him again, instead focusing on a plate that had food stuck to it.

"Scrub it any harder, sweetheart, and it'll disintegrate," he said.

Katniss threw the plate back into the sink, splashing soapy water all over her shirt.

"I am _not _in the fucking mood, okay?" she grounded out.

Haymitch blinked and leaned back. "Huh," was all he said. "It would seem to me, if you asked for my opinion-"

"I didn't."

"I'd say you're pretty worked up over this."

Katniss scoffed, turning her back on him again and picking up a glass. How she would love to just throw every dish he owned against the wall. But instead, she dropped into the dishwasher rack, not caring about the noise it made.

"_Actually,_" Haymitch continued, as if Katniss had begged him for his thoughts. "I would say that you like the boy."

Katniss paused a full thirty seconds before brushing his remark off with a scoff. She didn't say anything else though, and maybe that's what gave her away.

"Damn," Haymitch said. "I knew the moment we came back from your games what you thought about him. He's too blind to see it, and so are you."

"Shut up," was all Katniss said.

"Now you're acting this way because he brought a girl back here?"

"Haymitch," Katniss warned, tossing another dish into the dishwasher. Her anger had been tearing at her heart since she went to bed last night, and if Haymitch pushed her, she wouldn't hesitate to kick him in the throat, even if they were right in front of her daughter.

"No, but seriously, sweetheart. How long have you loved him?"

That made Katniss freeze. She stood there, with her hands in the hot, soapy water, and felt blood rush to her cheeks.

"That's not- I mean, I don't…I haven't-" she sputtered, trying to get a grip on the conversation.

"Hey, hey, calm down. It was just a question," Haymitch said, his voice quiet and surprisingly not full of sarcasm. He stood up and settled a steady hand on her shoulder. Her anger dissipated so suddenly it almost made her dizzy. All she was left with was the crushing sadness that filled her heart.

"I…" Katniss shook her head, attempting to piece together her thoughts. Her eyes welled with hot tears, and before she could stop them, they rolled down her cheeks. She wiped at them angrily with her wet hands, embarrassed she was crying, especially in front of Haymitch.

"I'm sorry," Katniss said quickly, sniffling pitifully. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"You're heartbroken. I've seen Peeta go through the same thing, except he didn't cry. At least, not to my face."

Katniss turned away from him, grabbing a towel to dry off her hands. "You're not helping."

"Listen-"

"No," Katniss interjected. "Just forget it. I'm fine," she insisted, waving her hand at him.

"Bursting in the tears in the middle of my kitchen after slamming things around doesn't sound 'fine' to me."

"Really, Haymitch," Katniss said, trying to make her voice sound bored and uninterested. "I'm fine."

She sniffed one more time before she pushed the towel away and went back to the dishes. A few quiet moments passed in which Haymitch got some juice for Sorrel and turned on the television for her. Katniss almost protested, but the show was brightly colored and had singing so she let it go.

"Have you met her?" Katniss asked quietly when Haymitch returned.

"Yes."

"Did he tell you about her before he came here?"

"Yes."

"Hmm," Katniss hummed. She was no longer slamming things around, but her heart felt heavy and wet, like a towel full of water. She wanted to wring it out but she wasn't sure how.

"He really likes her."

"You're still not helping. At all."

Haymitch backed off and took a seat at the kitchen table. After a moment, he started to clear things off the dirty table.

"She's probably using him for his money. Or maybe she took control of his mind when he was on his pain medication and forced him to fall in love with her," Katniss said lamely. And then she laughed because her accusations were so childish and so ridiculous that she couldn't help it.

"He still loves you," Haymitch said from the other side of the kitchen. Katniss felt her shoulders lift in a half-hearted shrug as she placed the last dish on the rack.

"He told me he didn't. When we were in District Thirteen. Besides, I don't love him."

"Well, he's a terrible liar. And so are you."

* * *

><p>Katniss's mother called on the first night it snowed. The flakes were big and fat and they drifted by the windows carefully. She and Peeta were friends still, but he mostly came over just for Sorrel, which Katniss didn't mind. She still hadn't met his girlfriend and she was happy that she had avoided it for nearly a month and a half. Sometimes, if she glanced out of her window at the right time, she could catch them on their way back from town, bundled against the cold and fingers interlocked.<p>

The phone rang shrilly and Katniss quickly shot off the couch to answer it. She had just put Sorrel to bed and she did not need the toddler getting up again.

"Hello?" Katniss said, twirling the cord around her finger.

"Hey, Katniss."

Out of all the people to call her, Katniss's mother was close to the very last person she expected. Basically, their relationship all but ended after Katniss arrived to District Twelve with only Haymitch as her company. Her mother sent packages and letters, but Katniss never read them. She started opening up the packages mainly because it gave her something to do, and occasionally there would be something she could actually use in them. But other than those small forms of one-sided communication, Katniss hadn't spoken to her since District Thirteen.

"Mom?"

Her mother danced around her abandonment with ease, tossing in questions about the Hawthornes' and Haymitch. She didn't mention Peeta, which was a relief because Katniss felt she was still a little too sensitive on that subject. But she did mention Sorrel.

"I was thinking maybe one week she could come to District Four and spend the week with me? I really miss her. And you."

Katniss rolled her eyes as she was added in as an afterthought.

"Why don't you just come here?" she asked.

"I can't get off work for that. They said I could bring Sorrel to work with me, and I would love for you to be there too."

"Can't," Katniss said. "After you assassinate a president, you're not allowed to leave your district apparently," she said dryly.

"Can she still come though? I can't get down there on a train to pick her up, but I can get one to take her back."

Katniss's answer was on the tip of her tongue. Why would she let her daughter spend time with the same mother who abandoned Katniss and Prim when they were children? And then again after the war? It made complete sense to say no, but at the same time, Katniss remembered how it felt to have no contact with grandparents. She had met her father's parents a few times, but they died shortly after she turned six and she had no recollection of them. Her mother's parents, on the other hand, chose not to visit Katniss or Prim based solely on the fact that their father was a coalminer. If that's how they were, Katniss was glad she never met them. She didn't want to deny Sorrel any contact with her grandmother, but damn, it stung knowing her mother wanted to see Sorrel more than Katniss.

"When?" Katniss asked, only slightly interested. Her answer was still leaning toward no.

"Maybe within the next week or so. Please, Katniss, it would mean a lot."

Katniss cocked her head to the side, taking her sweet precious time as she fiddled with the cord to the phone. Finally, she let out a sigh.

"Okay. Fine. But only for a few days. I guess I can get…Peeta to take her up there," Katniss said carefully.

"Thank you so much, honey," her mother replied, and not for the first time, Katniss wondered what it would be like if her father were still alive.

* * *

><p>:)<p> 


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